First Cut is the Deepest
Find a Conversation
First Cut is the Deepest
| Tue, 06-29-2004 - 2:25am |
I'm experiencing something new. I just got my heart broken and now I know how it feels. I know why country music is so sad b/c boy does it sting. I've been wondering why this boy I was dating stopped calling me. Now I know. I figured I'd surprise him Saturday when I went up to see my sorority sisters to get ready for rush. But he surprised me. I went to the restaurant he works at with my friends I figured he was there b/c I saw his car and he complains all the time all he's done this summer is work. We ate and I figured he was cooking in the back b/c he's the assistant manager. So I asked the waitress if he was working and she told me his girlfriend had picked him up about an hour before. (I couldn't breathe. What? I thought I was his girl) He stopped answering my calls a week before. A friend of mine text messaged him saying he was a jerk and I called him from her phone and he picked up. I told him that all though I was really hurt I knew he's not a jerk and that I could never say that about him. He laughed at me like I had just told the funniest joke.(IS this b/c he knows he is a jerk or becasue he hates me) I said it just hurts that you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you. And he said he was sorry and the phone died. It was a short convo. I wish he could have told me. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I feel so stupid. What did I do wrong? Does he not want to be friends? He didn't think I'd find out until school started back in August. Why won't he talk to me I didn't do anything wrong. Accept go home for the summer and work 50 hours a week. I just feel like nothing matters. I'm a waitress and I've screwed up so many orders I'm terrible. I miss him so much, but the thing is I can't cry. I blame myself what could I have done differently. I'm just wondering when the pain will go away. I'm a happy person I hate being sad and I hate being mad a people. I'm not mad at him, but why can't he at least explain this to me? This is my first heartbreak and I don't like how it feels!

Stop blaming yourself and put the blame squarely on him where it belongs.
Sheri
Sheri is exactly right.
Start
I also promise you that there is nothing wrong with you. I promise you did nothing wrong. I know you don't think he's a jerk now, but I also promise you will someday.
For what it's worth, I think he is a creep and you deserve better. You may think he's great and that "there is no one else" for you, but I PROMISE you will not feel that way forever.