First Cut is the Deepest

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
First Cut is the Deepest
4
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 2:25am
I'm experiencing something new. I just got my heart broken and now I know how it feels. I know why country music is so sad b/c boy does it sting. I've been wondering why this boy I was dating stopped calling me. Now I know. I figured I'd surprise him Saturday when I went up to see my sorority sisters to get ready for rush. But he surprised me. I went to the restaurant he works at with my friends I figured he was there b/c I saw his car and he complains all the time all he's done this summer is work. We ate and I figured he was cooking in the back b/c he's the assistant manager. So I asked the waitress if he was working and she told me his girlfriend had picked him up about an hour before. (I couldn't breathe. What? I thought I was his girl) He stopped answering my calls a week before. A friend of mine text messaged him saying he was a jerk and I called him from her phone and he picked up. I told him that all though I was really hurt I knew he's not a jerk and that I could never say that about him. He laughed at me like I had just told the funniest joke.(IS this b/c he knows he is a jerk or becasue he hates me) I said it just hurts that you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you. And he said he was sorry and the phone died. It was a short convo. I wish he could have told me. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I feel so stupid. What did I do wrong? Does he not want to be friends? He didn't think I'd find out until school started back in August. Why won't he talk to me I didn't do anything wrong. Accept go home for the summer and work 50 hours a week. I just feel like nothing matters. I'm a waitress and I've screwed up so many orders I'm terrible. I miss him so much, but the thing is I can't cry. I blame myself what could I have done differently. I'm just wondering when the pain will go away. I'm a happy person I hate being sad and I hate being mad a people. I'm not mad at him, but why can't he at least explain this to me? This is my first heartbreak and I don't like how it feels!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 10:13am
Sweetie, I'm sorry but he IS a jerk! No one with a lick of integrity or character breaks up with someone by disappearing and then LAUGHS at them when they call!!! I know you don't want to hate him, and that's good, but you DO need to get angry at him (not the same as hating him). It's nothing YOU did, it's HOW HE IS.

Stop blaming yourself and put the blame squarely on him where it belongs.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 10:44am

Sheri is exactly right.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 11:51am
I'm so sorry hon! I remember my first heartbreak. I know it's not fun. You're hurt. You feel like there's something wrong with you. You may not believe it now, but I promise you someday you will be laughing at him. You will feel better. You will eventually meet other people. You will feel better, I promise.

I also promise you that there is nothing wrong with you. I promise you did nothing wrong. I know you don't think he's a jerk now, but I also promise you will someday.

For what it's worth, I think he is a creep and you deserve better. You may think he's great and that "there is no one else" for you, but I PROMISE you will not feel that way forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 12:35pm
Hello littleangelgal!