first date gone wrong

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
first date gone wrong
5
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 11:49pm
Hi
Well to start off this is my first date since my divorce from a 17 year marriage.
So, I asked this guy out at work, he called me and said yes we talked that night for an hour and half. The date night went great we went to dinner and played pool from 7:00pm to 1:00 am. Conversation was good he kept constant eye contact, there was a littl flirting.
When he took me back to my car we still had good conversation. But the I started to get really nervous (like butterflies in the stomach} for some stupid reason. So when we stepped out of his car to drop me off.
I just gave him a quick hug and said thanks and left. Well needless to say almost 2 weeks later he hasn't called. I have left 2 messages saying thanks for the great date and to give me a call. I haven't confided in him how nervous I was and that's why I bolted.
Should I call one more time and explain or just leave it alone???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 12:27am

gal-slopez...

PG knows that every first date won't necessarily result in a 2nd.

If there has been no communication from the man (who asked you out) for the past 2 weeks, he probably has no further plans to ask you out!

Let it go...

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 7:13am

Hi and welcome to the board.


I'm sorry that your first date after so many years didn't go as well as hoped. I would definitely not call him again. You've left 2 messages and that's more than enough. Unfortunately, if he were interested, he would have called by this point. Try not to get down about it though. Dating is a crap shoot. Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes yoiu don't.


As for asking guys out, I wouldn't. For me, it's important to know that he's interested and how I gauge that is if he works up the nerve to ask me out.


This is your first experience, not your last. I would say it's easiest to not expect things will turn into a second date so just enjoy the first dates you have and take your time. Good things will come your way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 8:45am

I'd leave it alone, you've left 2 messages and he hasn't called. That is a clear indication that he is not interested. It may not have been your end-of-date hug that was the problem. He may not have enjoyed himself as much as you thought, he may not be interested in a relationship, he may have another girlfriend, it could be anything. The man is not obligated to schedule another date.

Time to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 12:00pm

Actually it sounds like nothing 'went wrong' on or after this date. This is just a matter of him not wanting to go out with you again and that's not 'wrong' either.

I also prefer that men ask me out - you are sure they are interested. Some will disagree. It really is a matter of what 'works' for you. There have been times that I have 'suggested' getting together for coffee/lunch/whatever and gave them my number, but ultimately teh choice to ask me out was theirs. Doing it this way, I've indicated MY interest yet still leave it to the man to pursue. And if a man doesn't call me when I've done this I'm clear on the fact that he isn't interest in dating me for whatever reason and I move on.

Good for you for taking the initiative to ask someone out - that is brave of you. This is in no way a 'failure' and you did nothing wrong. Its a learning lesson - as all life experiences are. If you see the guy again at work, be courteous and friendly and let it go. YOu don't know his backstory - so don't make it about you!

Dating is supposed to be fun, not endured until coupledom. Keep in mind that people rarely say or do things 'because' of us - its their own stuff that drives them. So keep your focus on being the best person you know how to be - fun, friendly, self assured - and things will eventually fall into place.

best wishes.

Toni

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 4:40pm

You didn't do anything wrong. I mean, you already'd hung out with him until 1am. Did you think you were you supposed to invite him in on date one?

I've left dates as early as 9pm and the guy still wanted a second date (I did't - which is why I left after 2 hours) and would normally not even give a kiss on a first date. Yes, there are STILL women who don't kiss on the first date! lol!

A hug goodbye is fine. I think he just wasn't interested for whatever reason. But don't let that stop you from dating others. Some people like vanilla ice cream, some like espresso chip...you just might've be the espresso chip as opposed to the vanilla he's seeking.