First Date Non-Jitters

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
First Date Non-Jitters
3
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 2:54pm
I just had my first date last night with a guy I met online. Actually, this was my first date as an adult (I was in a 5-year relationship throughout college until recently).

He's funny, he's attractive, he seems to be financially and mentally stable, I didn't get any psycho/loser vibes from him.

Our date was nice. We ended up having the entire restaurant to ourselves, the conversation went pretty well - few slow periods. Plenty of laughs, and no major no-nos...no ex talk, he wasn't rude, etc. He even through out the idea of going out again sometime this weekend, despite all the dating faux pas I'm sure I committed. And I could easily envision us going out again.

So basically I had this wonderful date - especially given it being my first. But the thing is, I don't care if I never see him again????

At first I would assume this is a complete lack of chemistry issue, but it's not. There was something there, of that I'm sure. But I can't figure out why I'm so blase about it? Has this ever happened to anyone before? What does it mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:07pm
It could mean anything - no spark, you're not ready to date, etc - I would definitely see him at least a few more time if you continue to enjoy your time with him and he continues to treat you well before making a final decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:12pm
I think you should give him another try. Sometimes once you warm up to a person you get a better feel for him. Just a thought. Of course, I had a similar situation and on the second date he told me all about how his mom was missing toes and had over 800 catalogs that went to her house in a month. Moral of the story here... maybe you are sensing something is off about him. I still think it is worth a try (I just threw in my little story to make you laugh!).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 3:40pm
I actually think its preferable to have a cool, nonchalant attitude about someone you've just started dating. I think it's *healthier* (or at least safer) than being all over-excited and expectant.

However, you need to be sure of your feelings. Is it (a) you DON'T feel ANY desire to see the man again, or (b) you could take him or leave him?

If it's (a), don't see him anymore. You can tell him you're sorry but you don't think you two are a match. And thank him for the date.

If it's (b), I would definitely go out with him at least 2 more times. If after you've been out 3 times and you still feel NO chemistry... no spark at all... you probably should move on. Maybe he will turn out to be a better buddy than lover.

Good luck.