First Meet Etiquette

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
First Meet Etiquette
9
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 2:33pm

I had a date to meet a guy that I have been communicating with for a few weeks. We agreed to meet at a local pub and see if there was chemistry. I arrived before he did so I sat down and the bar and ordered a drink. While I was waiting for him a guy across the bar asked if he could buy me a drink. I was not sure how to handle it and said maybe another time. I think I hurt his feelings but I really didn't know how to handle it. Should I have accepted the offer? Would he have been even more disappointed if I accepted and then spent the next couple of hours talking with the guy I was there to meet?

Shortly after that the guy I was meeting sat down next to me and it seemed we hit it off as we have been chatting daily since then. When we decided to call it a night I offered to pay 1/2 of the bill. We talked about it and neither of us was sure whether there was some sort of etiquette as to who should pay. Is there a "rule" as to who should pay for the first meet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 2:56pm

Usually who ever does the "asking out" pays the bill on the first date.

Dont worry about the guy who offered the drink from across the bar, he'll get over it and you did the right thing.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 3:26pm

Oh, goodness, you definitely did the right thing by turning the guy down!

I don't know if there's a "rule" per se, but I expect the guy to pay for the first couple dates (including the first meet). However, if I'm not interested in seeing him again, then I will pay my half. So to me, offering to pay sends a signal that I'm not interested in dating him because otherwise I'd let him court me by paying. And if he wants to split it (or doesn't pay for my coffee, if we're meeting at Starbucks), I assume he's not interested in me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 4:36pm
Sheri, I wanted to ask you a question since you are hip to the current dating climate, yet my age. You mentioned that you would let the guy court you and pick up the first couple of dates. In the past I have let the guy do that for about 3 months, but I would also buy lunch or breakfast or pick up the tip at dinner. And then after about 3 months I would split everything. Out of curiousity, has any of that changed? Since I live in yesteryear I wouldn't know.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 6:04pm

What works for me is to let the guy pay the first 2-4 dates, then I'll treat, then I treat every few dates after that. I hate going dutch (it's very unromantic to me so I don't like to do it) so I much prefer to take turns treating than split things, although sometimes I will do things like pick up the movie tickets, for example, after he's gotten dinner.

Once I'm in an exclusive relationship with someone, then we're more likely to take turns every date but it will kind of depend on the guy (some guys just really don't like not paying) and our respective means.

But it's really my own personal guideline based on what I'm comfortable with rather than any sort of general rule.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 5:32pm

My feeling is, that a guy should pick up the tab on a first date, especially if he did the asking. I haven't had a guy ask me to go dutch on a first date, however, if there weren't any sparks on a first date, I'll generally insist on paying my half. And I do mean, insist. ;)

As far as the first guy sitting at the bar, I think you handled that fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 11:33am

I find it "safer" to split the bill, unless he insists, then it's all him.

As for the other guy... I would have said thanks, but not thanks and explained that I was on a first date and didn't want to offend the other guy. If he was cute, I would add something like "next time for sure!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 12:36pm

After we discussed it we split the tab. He then said he felt it would be appropriate for him to pay for the 2nd date :)

As for the guy that offered to buy me the drink, I have had differing opinions on what I should have done, but I agree with everyone here that I did the right thing.

I am keeping positive thoughts that we continue to enjoy each others company, but do not want to get my hopes up as it is sooooo early on.

Thanks to all for your input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 3:23pm

I agree with this approach.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 3:25pm

You should have told first guy you would love to (if that was indeed the case) but you were about to meet someone for a first date - then if he wanted to suggest meeting up another time that could have happened


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