flirting...possible girlfriend? confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
flirting...possible girlfriend? confused
7
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 7:33pm
Hi,
I have somewhat of a delima and it is a tad confusing.There is this guy I work with who is constantly flirting with me,he can't leave me alone EVER,which Iam ok with because Iam attracted to him. Many times he has squirted me with water,put suds on my head, and done other silly things like attempt to throw ice cream at me,make sexual jokes,come to pick something up at my house and stay on my porch for 30 min blabbing on about nothing etc.He also said something to another co-worker which gave her the impression he was really into me. Well the confusing part is a friend called him about something and he sounded upset with her and she asked why he was rude and he said im watching a movie with my girlfriend.Never once at work has he mentioned having a girlfriend,no body has ever seen him with a girl (that could be a girlfriend) and when I asked him why he was rude to her on the phone all he said was I was watching a movie and I said with your girlfriend and he said no and gave me this look as if to say "what girlfriend?".So that is the confusing part I really doubt he has a girlfriend and considering he is constantly flirting with me Iam thinking about making a move,I am somewhat hesitant though just in case there is that small chance he has a girlfriend.What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 11:56pm
If he's the type of flirting, squirting water on you, making sexual jokes -which is sexual harrassement- and hanging around like a pesty fly, he's probably looking for some casual sex. He's testing where your limits are. You seem not have limits becaused you like him and think he's serious. However, a man with this kind of bahavior is not respectful and even could turn into abusive. If he wahted to date you he'd have asked you out. This guy seems disrespectful and you're allowing his inapropriate behavior in the work place and outside in your home. It's possible that he has a GF, but since you're paying too much attention to him he's thinking in "making the move". Making the move would be decribed as cheating on his GF with you, and after he's got what he wants he'll discard you like an used toy. He seems to be a shallow guy looking for sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 8:15am
I agree 100% with you. In fact, you took the words right out of my mouth.
This guy is not looking for anything more with the o.p. except for one thing and that's seex. He knows she's attracted to him and he's using that to his advantage.
Trust me, o.p., if he were really interested in you, he'd find a way to ask you out.
As for the girlfriend, trust me, he has one. Believe that. Don't convince yourself otherwise because he's merely flirting with you and testing the waters. Men will always test you out to see how far they can go with you and once they get what they want, they'll treat you like a little dirty ol' sock.
Please don't go after him. This man is only testing the waters to see how far he can go with you. Don't bother with him. Forget him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 10:34am
Ask him flat out whether he has a girlfriend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 3:09pm

I agree with Chamey. No amount of speculation is going to get you the answers you really want. Guys aren't as adept at asking a girl out as we think they are, maybe hes afraid to ask you out. Just because he makes sexual jokes does not mean hes abusive, lets not blow things out of proportion, but that doesn't mean he is looking for anything serious. As long as his jokes aren't offending you its not sexual harassment, it sounds like you are encouraging his behavior. It all comes down to what you really want and if its worth the risk that he is just after "one thing".


We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 4:30pm

I had almost this exact situation happen to me when I was younger, more naive, more trusting and less cynical. I was 20 and this really cute guy from work flirted with me all the time. We hung out a lot at work and after work and he seemed to really like me but he never asked me out - we just hung out at work friends' houses after work. I'd heard from another co-worker that he had a girlfriend and I asked him whether or not he did. He told me he didn't so I continued to hang out with him. We got close and never did anything physical except make-out but we hardly ever went out. Eventually, before he went back to school, we had a big party for everyone from work. He had a friend tell me that he was getting back together with his ex and that she was there so... basically making his friend give me the brush off. Turns out (I found out a couple months later), he had never broken up with the girlfriend and had flat out lied to me.

So you can ask and maybe he'll tell you the truth and maybe he won't. But definitely ask HIM directly. Regardless, until he actually asks you out, keep it low key and don't get too interested. If he was available (emotionally and relationship-wise), he'd ask you out instead of just flirting.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 9:19am
Couldn't agree more.
I think we've all been in this situation before with some flirt at work or will soon be.
It's nice, the flirtation because it takes away the daily stress from work.
Yet one has to wonder if the flirter is really serious.
So I agree, you can ask if he has a girlfriend, but that doesn't necessarily mean he'll tell you straight out.
With my office flirt, he flirted with me, told me he loved me and said he KNEW that I loved him. He called me constantly at work. He'd call me to visit him at his desk or if I didn't come to him, he'd come to me constantly flirting. He wouldn't leave me alone. He even asked me to have lunch with him. The entire lunch was him telling me he had a huge crush on this girl and he wanted to know how he can get closer to her without wrecking the friendship and that they flirted all of the time. Of course I knew he was talking about me. There was not doubt about it. Things started getting more intense between us but then I noticed he began to pull away and then that's when he revealed he had a girlfriend all along and things were getting pretty serious between the two of them. Yet come on, he waits until I get that interested to tell me. Boy was that hard.
So this is why I'm more cautious now of men, particularly at work.
Important point to the original poster is if he's just flirting and still not asking you out on a date, something's wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 4:18pm
Sounds like he does have a girlfriend, but he's okay with cheating on her that's why he said no to you.....why would your friend lie with what he said on the phone to her?