foolish and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
foolish and confused
5
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 5:10pm

Hi Doyenne,

I really like this guy I met him when I was sixteen but my parents did not approve of him because I told them that he smoked weed at the time. He has stopped now because of his job. He told me that he expected sex sooner or later in a relationship(three years ago) and I told him I wanted to wait until I was married. We talk a few times a year. However, I am the one who always calls him. We talk for a little while I try to ask him questions but he is very secretive about things like if he has a girlfriend. I know if we tried to have a relationship it probably would not work because my parents think I can do better ( I want to please my parents because they do so much for me but I feel like I have no control over my life especially in the relationship realm.)and I'm not sure if I am ready to have an intimate relationship because I am a church going girl and want to do whats right despite what I want to do. I really like him and he is the only guy I think of being intimate with though. Sometimes I feel happy just talking to him and being there for him. I feel like an idiot because I waste my time on him. I try dating other people and forgetting him but he is always on my mind. I always felt if I could have gone out with him and not even dating but hanging out and talking that I would not obsess over him as much as I do. I can't deny my feelings for him like I have been tring to do these past couple of years. Its like when I hear his voice I feel lighter and happier. I know its pathetic but if I could just see him one last time before I go off to college it would really make my day. I'm sorry my message is so long but I really have not been able to get this off my chest until now.
Thank you very much for your time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 7:16pm
This guy is secretive, he doesn't want to tell you whether he had a GF or not, he smoked weed in the past, he never calls you. Why do you want to go out with a man like this? What does he have to offer you? What's the pay off for you? He's probably after one thing...sex. He knows you're a virgin. Why change your principles for a man like this? It's up to you to make desicion to sleep with him/other man before marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 5:59am
Thank you Light and Bright. He does not have anything to offer me. I have been examing why I believe I like him so much and I think its because my parents did not permit me to go anywhere with him which I can understand. I have pretty well relationship with my parents(I was adopted at 10) but I feel like they push their goals on me and I am tired of trying to please them. I think the fact that they do not like him makes him more desirable. I guess I want to loosen the hold my parents have over me in a subconscious way and unwise one because I feel like I am compromising all that I stand for. I realize this last night when I went to an award ceremony at my high school. I got third place in 20th century(history)and two robes: one for being in IB and beta club.My mom seemed happy but I got the feeling that she was upset. I did not get as much awards like a few of my fellow classmates.When I got home my Dad seemed to tired to really care that I had at least won something. You are right and I appreciate you writting me back. I will not compromise who I am for someone who only cares to know me physically and nothing more. It hurts because I felt that God wanted me to meet him and help him. I had been praying to meet someone and I meet him. I know it sounds lame but I made him into something he is not in my mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 7:26pm
You seem eager to live your life. Live your life, but don't do it because you feel your parents are too controlling. They seem parents who want you to succeed in every thing you do and to get many awards. That tells that they care for you and such. They may be though a bit too centered in the awards thing that they let to believe that they don't care for your feelings. I'd talk to them and explain that you're growing and maturing and that you'd like a little more independence. Explain that winning an award may seem fantastic, but in the end what counts is what's inside a person. Keep up the good work in school and make choices wisely.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:23am
you seem like a pretty smart girl and already know what to do. your parents are only looking out for your best interest and i am going to agree with them on this one even though they seem like they can be overbearing at times. hold out till you get to college and you will meet alot of different guys. guys who are going somewhere. to be something in life. This guy you talk about maybe a nice guy but there are alot of them out there. go to college and have some fun. the last thing you should be concerned with is commitment. you will go through plenty of that later in life. just enjoy being a kid and getting a degree. everything else will come to you without trying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 3:22pm
Thank you crane2006. Everyone has been so wonderful at giving me advice I appreciate it very much.