Former Addict

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Former Addict
1
Sat, 12-18-2004 - 3:05pm

About a month ago I met the most amazing man. He has traits and characteristics I seek in a potential mate. We dated, frequently and we were becoming emotionally involved very quickly. After a few dates, he told me that he used to be a drug addict. He was an addict for over a year and then checked himself into rehab. He has been clean for just over a year and a half. During this time he has moved on and is going ttough the recovery phases. He is adding things to his life that he loves and enjoys. He is no longer freinds with his addict friends and many of his other friends did not know that any of this ever happened. As a consequence, he has to learn to be happy with himself and to live on his own. He has a group of close knit friends that are there for him. His family does not know that he was ever an addict or that he was in rehab. He is clean now and plans to stay this way for life. He needs to stay focused on his recovery so that he succeeds. This is were the confusion lies.

This addict/recovery business is all new to me, so when he told me about it, I was shell shocked and asked a million questions. One I thought of, but did not have the right opportunity to ask was his readiness for a relationship. I was afraid he would not be in a place to have a relationship as part of his life. We continued to go out and talk daily.

However, after another discussion, it was clear that he is not ready for a serious relationship. He likes me, is attracted to me and repsects me, but he is afraid that because of that, I may become an addiction and he will loose track of the big picture of his recovering and in the end he will hurt both of us. I can understand this and appreciate his honesty. He wants us to slow down what we have going on and build a strong foundation and he continues throught the recovery process and becomes comfortable with himself.

Now this is what I am worried about. I am trying to find information about recovery for people in my position. Where do I look for that? What am I supposed to do? Its easy in my head, but its hard on my heart. Do you have any suggestions, ideas, advice???

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: thebelljar
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 1:36pm

AA has a support group for the friends and family of addicts. It's called Al-Anon and the number is 1-888-4Al-ANON. They should be able to give you the advice you need.

Good luck.