found the porn what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
found the porn what to do?
22
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:22pm
I mean I know that porn is normal, but for some reason I feel that if he has to look at another girl to "please" himself, then he cares less about me. It's no big deal or anything it's just I found some on his computer and it made me feel, well insignificant. I feel like I'm not good enough. He told me he only used it when I was gone for the weekend. It was only a weekend, I don't see why he can't wait for me, I could wait for him. How should I feel? Am I overreacting? What should I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:37pm
You're analyzing this too much. Men are visual creatures and they get off by looking or even imagining naked or sensual women and that doesn't mean that you're less important to him. Now that you found the porn in his computer, why not look at porn together with him? That would give you the opportunity to share something he likes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:35am
Agree with cruise.

Married men read Playboy and have for generations.

Now that you can view porn on the internet it is always available.

Look at it with him and you can learn what he likes and this should enhance your sex life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:29am
How would you feel if he told you when to eat or go to the bathroom?

MB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 12:35pm
I know you're upset about finding the porn. What you need to understand is that it's not about YOU. Men are very visualy affected, and looking at a nude female arouses them. If you're so upset, why not buy a polaroid or digital camera and snap some nude shots of yourself for him?

What you're not looking at here is that he wasn't out looking for another woman. He was looking at a widely available porn media. There isn't a multi-billion dollar porn industry because only single men look! Be thankful that he was looking at a computer site, and not out at a bar picking up another woman.

So rather than get upset, why not join him to see what the fuss is about. I can guarantee you will BOTH be turned on by the experience!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:17pm
ok so I told him about the whole "watch it with him" thing and he showed like no interest at all. And that just left me feeling really dumb. We both just sat there for a minute until my brother came upstairs with the phone for me then the day just went on as normal. So obviously I can't take back what I said but I guess that plan was a bust cuz he acted like he didn't want to do that or just didn't care. Now what do I do? Should I just let it go and never speak of this again?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 1:21am
RNB,

You are NOT overreacting! I found my boyfriend to have the same problem, except, he TRIES to lie to me about it. I constantly find his "porn" on my computer and find him watching porno videos. I like to refer to it as "emotional infidelity" because the wear and tear these actions cause my self esteem and emotions are devastating. How can I (or any other reasonable, respectable, working female live up to the "Jenna Jamesons" and "Brianna Banks'" of the world?!?!) Not even that, but how are women supposed to "step it up" sexually and feel wanted when their men are constantly oogling other women?!?! I'm sorry to make this reply such a rant, but I think that men in this country (and the world over) need to be held to a higher standard in terms of their sexual urges and the way that they treat women. Not only are they objectifying women by constantly being obsessed with their sexuality, but they are also destroying their relationships by making the women they are with feel unwanted and unbeautiful. What a crock....he "couldn't wait". I have some advise to you....tell him to "be a man" and start thinking with his head (his UPPER head) if he cares about you and your feelings. Good luck to you...I anticipate a hard battle! -GAPeach

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 2:00pm
In my opinion this approach won't get you very far.

If you can categorically say something about every member of any group, then it is inherent to the nature of that group.

If the statement is true: "men the world over are obsessed with sexuality" then everyone, men and women, are going to have to devise some method to deal with it, or stop interacting with men.

MB

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 2:21pm
You are overreacting! Men like to see things. Lots of women watch porn too. I watch it. Not all the time but sometimes its nice not to have to use your brain. as for waiting for you. Masturbation is normal they are going to do it wheather or not they are having regular sex. you should to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 5:41pm
good response,

I didn't think there was anyone this day and age who did not watch porn with their SO or have phone sex or masturbate.

It is only a sign of extreme insecurity to think that this equates to infidelity.

The younger generations are much more open about it too.

Not like my parents generation where they hid the Playboy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 6:53pm
Mmm...I think u misunderstood me and my opinion on the matter. I fully understand and am aware that sexuality is a positive thing and my overriding point was NOT that men are overly obsessed with it, it is that they need to be held to a higher standard and CHANGE the way that they deal with it and society needs to change the way that they project sexuality. The degradation and demoralizing status that sex has taken on for men in recent years has been pitiful. (i.e. women being a "slut" is negative, "pimp" for men has a much more positive connotation.) As the woman who is the center of these talks noted, her boyfriend was not interested in looking at porn with her. Nor is mine. He is content to do it himself and does not want me there to distract him from his "male urges". I think it is downright pathetic. Maybe I am too much of a feminist....thoughts?

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