found the porn what to do?
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found the porn what to do?
| Mon, 08-16-2004 - 9:22pm |
I mean I know that porn is normal, but for some reason I feel that if he has to look at another girl to "please" himself, then he cares less about me. It's no big deal or anything it's just I found some on his computer and it made me feel, well insignificant. I feel like I'm not good enough. He told me he only used it when I was gone for the weekend. It was only a weekend, I don't see why he can't wait for me, I could wait for him. How should I feel? Am I overreacting? What should I do?

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There's no right or wrong attitude when it comes to an adult's sexual preference.
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It's different when your partner is open and receptive to porn. There are women who enjoy porn by themselves and with their partners, but that's not the issue here.
In my opinion pimp and slut are equally demeaning roles. I think as human beings both sluts and pimps diminish us all. I'd be curious to know what others think about that.
I think that if one wants to do those things it private it should be their perogative. I wouldn't view that as pathetic.
How have you come to terms with your boyfriends behavior that isn't acceptable to you?
I'm not sure if one can be too much of a feminist. I suppose if you put the rights of females above the rights of others it might be possible. But that might not be within the definition of feminism. I'm going to look the term up.
MB
Edited 8/20/2004 1:56 pm ET ET by ivblunt1
"advocating equal rights for women" Which means everyone could be a femininst -men or women.
I do believe that your thoughts and viewpoints on sexuality need to be in synch with your partner for a successfull relationship.
You can disagree about what to have for dinner but when it comes to expressing your sexuality it must be mutual interests and mutually respected.
Sex is a big and important part of a relationship and is through the years of marriage or relationships.
Although I respect and admire those who wait until marriage - I know for me that before I enter into a permanent bond I want to make sure I have a partner who has the same feelings about sex and sexuality that I do.
Here's my story:
It started with porn. I talked to my H about how it made me feel. He admitted that I was a little heavy and didn't do it for him (the words were much more subtle than that but so began the emotional abuse). Next it was chatting with women online. I tried to talk to him about this - explained I would be happy to talk with him myself. I even offered to do "different" things in the bedroom with him to keep his interest. Then came the infidelity. Only to learn that again, I was inadequate. Well, he's X-H now. And I'm much happier.
Does that mean that my situation is the cookie cutter for everyone? No, I'm not suggesting that. BUT...I am saying that if she feels concerned...she has a right to be concerned. I would suggest talking about things in a calm, rational manner - suggesting you watch porn together may have thrown him off a bit...hence the awkwardness. BUT...do feel secure in you. IF he is looking at other women because he finds a flaw in you (and that's a big IF) then you don't need him anyway. Be secure in yourself enough to know that you are you...no one can change that...and no one should. :)
So the first clue you had that your marriage was in trouble
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