Four Years Down the Drain
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Four Years Down the Drain
| Fri, 06-18-2004 - 12:46pm |
I have been dating the same guy for 4 years. For the past year, we have lived together. I thought that everything was going great. We picked out a house (which is only in his name) and painted, carpeted, decorated and landscaped this house to make it our home. He has always had a very hard time expressing his feelings to me. Over the years, I have asked him how he felt about our relationship and where it is going. Then, out of the blue, he finally wants to talk about it. Bad news for me. He told me that since we have been together for four years and he still cant make a committment to marry me that maybe we are not meant to be. He said he thinks it would be best if I moved out and we both moved on with our lives. Of course, this is devastating to me. He totally broke my heart. I'm loosing my best friend and the love of my life. I can't imagine being out there and trying to live a life without him. He was the most wonderful man I have ever met and its incredibly hard to part. I keep thinking of all of the times that we have spent and all of the memories that we have made and its killing me to throw it all away. I know that there is nothing that I can do to change his mind but how on earth do you just get over it and move on? Im a mess.

When you say he was "wonderful", take a step back and really evaluate what you are saying. AGain, I don't know all the details, but I am assumming that you were not getting all of your needs met in this relationship as he did not share with you exactly how he felt - and thats what you needed. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and I too feel like 4 years down the drain. However, I have now realized that this past relationship is bringing me closer to the actual "one".
As for the current moment, try to regain your independence. What things did you like to do, that you never did with him, call old friends, etc. Time will tell - he may realize he made a huge mistake, and will you be around? or you may realize that you need more.
Just figured I'd add my experience in here too. I was also in a 4-year relationship. We loved each other more than anything...we still love each other. But, we broke up for the better. A year and a half has passed since then. We still talk and even see each other as friends. We have both done a lot of growing since then, and ultimately decided that we were too immature to have gotten married then. If we are meant to be together, then fate will bring us together again in the future. In the meantime, we are living our own lives and learning from each and every experience. Take this time to get to know yourself better, improve yourself and grow as an independent woman. This is a really difficult time, but I promise you it will get easier each and every day.
Dear debzy2004,
I am sorry to hear of your experience.
A very close friend of mine was in a 6-year relationship that we all knew was going to end in marriage and all that good stuff. The guy (at the end of 6 LONG years) started having "doubts" and they ended up breaking up.
For a while, my friend was really lost. I think she lost "herself" while she was with this guy and after he left, she didn't know what to do and floundered for a while.
It's been almost 6 months now and while I think she is still hurting, I have also seen her try to find things that she can concentrate on with big bursts of energy.
I really think time heals everything...even the worst pains. You WILL get over it. But IT HURTS every step of the way.
When you ARE over though, you will realize that you are a much more mature person...and stronger.
My advice is that the fastest way to the road to healing and recovery is to first get away from him and everything that reminds you of him (which must be a lot of things) and second, to involve yourself into something you care about and put as much energy as you can into it.
You always have US to talk to.
Take care.