The "Friend"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
The "Friend"
6
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 3:25pm
My boyfriend of 10 months has been talking to this girl. she is his friend, and I am fine with that. They talk through email. I have never met her. I am fine with him and her talking through email ( i trust HIM), but the other day I was getting online and his email was open, there was an email from her ( YES I READ IT... ou would have also!) it was talking about how he hasn't emailed her in 2 days and that I am a controlling bitch who never lets him do anything... blah blah blah. Well, she and I have NEVER met. I confronted him about it and told him it upsets me. He said he was mad at her. I never tell him what he can or can't do, or who he can and can't hang out with. I have not been able to get over this. I want him to stop talking to her. What should I do? Is it wrong of me? I have never had a problem with her, but now I will NEVER learn to like her. Please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:43pm
I find it odd that in 10 months you have never met her. Why is this? If they are good friends why hasn't he introduced you.

One thing is for certain I highly doubt that she came to the conclusion that you are controlling on her own, I'm pretty sure your boyfriend had something to do with that label. Usually women/men don't tell their friends those things, unless they KNOW that its okay to do so, so I'd have to wonder what your boyfriend has been telling her.

You can tell him not to see her anymore, some men will give up their friends, but some won't and if he doesn't be prepared for him to tell you to go pound sand and be out the door.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:47pm
pookiecrouton...

NOBODY said that you have to like her!

The question is...why does your b/f email her this much? It can't be "just a casual friendship" if this girl is jealous of you?

Or is your b/f humming the old Mary McGregor tune: "TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS?" Maybe it's time for a face-to-face chat with him?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:55pm
I have talked to him. He says that he just likes to have pther friends (which is fine!!) They aren't the greatest of friends he says they haven't seen each other in 3 years. I just don't understand why she would lash out at me like she did. UGH!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 6:15pm
You don't know why this lady is lashing out at you???? Get ready for the next song cue:

"CUZ YOU'RE A WO--MAN.....W---O---M---A---N.......I'll say it again..."

She wants ALL his attention and hates the fact that YOU have some of it!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:11pm
Perhaps she had something to lose. Lashing out against you to him like that sounds disagreeable to me. As if he was already chilling a little bit with her. She wasn't saying she agreed with him, and felt he was in a tough spot did she? It was an acusation that he was "whipped" and she was unhappy because he had less time for her.

I would have seen it as a positive and turned up the lovelight...LOL If you were drawing him away, that is good for 10 months.

If he could learn to be who he is with you and break away from the PC, all the better. It takes time though.

I for one would not have read it unless he asked me to. I either trust or I don't. I only gather evidence if I am driving home a point before I move on.

There's my 2 cents.

Are you living together? Or were you visiting when you used his PC?

Good luck,

lightship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 2:20pm
Was that particular email open and on the screen or did you actually have to open it? There is a difference. If you opened it, then you were snooping for whatever reason. If it was right there on the screen already, I'd say you read it simply out of curiousity. If you had never saw the email, would you be feeling this way? NO I"m betting. See, I"ve been a snoop in the past, it only causes pain when there doesn't need to be. You said that he hasn't seen this girl for 3 years? Well, obviously they were friends long before you were in the picture right? There you have it. She called you a ------- for whatever reason. Who knows, maybe you and your man had an arguement one night and he vented to her. People do vent when they are upset with their SO. It bothers you because she is a girl and not a guy friend. Did he ever tell you why he was upset with her? Could it be because she said those negative things about you? Talk to him. You obviously need more answers.