Friend becomes more

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Friend becomes more
2
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 4:27pm

I've known this guy for about three years, and since last August I have been hanging out with him more and really like him. In June he told me that he's liked me for two years and now we are seeing eachother. Things are great between us. We get along so well and have the same point of view. The only major problem is my family. My step-dad left my mom in late January after abusing her and my sister is now charging him with molestation. My mom and sisters are not open to the idea of me having a boyfriend and think I am too fulnerable right now to be dating. They don't think my friend is husband material and can't see why I'm attracted to him.

My boyfriend and I really like eachother and I can see us getting married, but I feel like my family is not giving him a chance and trying to hold me back. I love my family and yes we have major issues to get through right now, but my boyfriend is very important to me. He is helping me so much through the situation.

What are your ideas on my situation and any insights into dating a friend and some guidelines?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 4:52pm

I don't understand why you would be "vulnerable", it sounds like they are the ones with issues to work through, not you.

You don't tell us how old you are but if you are over 18 you should be free to make your own decisions about who and when you date. I'd continue to see him if he makes you happy, but you might not want to wax poetically about how happy you are with your boyfriend in front of your family.

Low key is the way to go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 5:41pm

I agree. They are feeling vulnerable and upset, and ultimately they are projecting their feelings onto you. But please, having said that, they probably want the best for you, too, and are trying to protect you.

Try to understand their feelings, but if you care for your friend, and feel that you are doing the right thing for you, perhaps you should sit down with your family and explain that being with "X" makes you happy and feel good. List the reasons he makes you happy and show examples of how he gives you support. Ask them to be as understanding of your feelings as you are of theirs. Maybe that will work. Good luck.