Friend Hook Up

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Friend Hook Up
3
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 11:49am

I have a male friend who I've known for years. We hang around with the same people and are part of the same gang of friends to some degree. He recently became single and is having a single summmer. We got to talking and said "were both single, wouldn't it be interesting if we dated". After that thought, we started talking about different benefits to dating each other.

Long story short, we hooked up. Unfortunately, it wasn't what we intended from our conversations. We acknowledged that we didn't want to make it a "hook up" rather, go to dinner and have a nice date. It didnt' go down that way. I feel like a notch on the bedpost to some degree. He has spent his single months hanging around alot of young girls and even discussed that not being how he wants to spend his time but we didnt' take it to the next level in the right way. Now it's awkward. He said he doesn't want to mess up the friendship but I'm not sure how to move forward. If we intended to explore dating, how do we get back there? And now I will not know if he really meant what he said about the loads of women hanging around if we can't distinguish between what happened with me and what has been happening in his single summer.

Can you bring it back when it goes in the wrong direction? Actions will speak louder than words at the end of the day. I'm just trying to figure out how to play it. And even as I type that, I'm disappointed that I now view it as a game I have to play.

I'm not sure we are well matched but the chance to explore it now has some challenges. I have remorse... Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 2:38pm

I am assuming that hookup means you slept with him. I dont see why your relationship is not salvageable. Since you were able to have an open discussion about "what if we dated", then I can't see why you cant reopen the conversation.

Are you remorseful because of what you did or is he treating you differently?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 12:44pm
Yes the only way you willl know what is on his mind and vice versa is if the two of you communicate. Mind-reading usually doesn't work... Good luck.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 2:10pm
I believe you intended this post to go to hereforadvice and it came to my email instead.