friend while still have feelings for him
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| Tue, 02-20-2007 - 2:52pm |
Me and my bf went out for 3 mounths before he broke it off with me. The reason was that he got so much going on in his life and he couldn't gives me anytime. It was sad because he was crying and blaming himself for making me feel unhappy. it was awful and really hard for me b/c i had a crush on him for the longest time before we ever date. a couple of days later i wrote him a letter telling him how i feel and that if he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now we could just be friends (which is not exactly what i want since i still have strong feelings for him but i didnt want to pressure him) after he read the letter we had a talk and he said he still have some feelings for me but he's very busy and stuff he has to do is getting out of hands (he's in 3 sports at his college and take very competitive classes, he also do sport for his home team) and he can't be in a relationship right now. we're friends now, but i want to be more than that and i want us to get back together. how can i be friend with him without pressuring him? im scared that our feelings and attraction to eachother as bf and gf will fade away if we start to be just friend?

nntckkt...
Pianoguy thinks YOU need to get things straight in your mind FIRST...before offering any potential friend or b/f a choice.
It's clear from what you've written that you can't totally accept the idea of a friendship with this man...even though he has made it clear that this is all he can offer you! At least, for right now!
While I'm sure there are definitely feelings present on his side...they're not strong enough to override his other hobbies and interests.
Rethink what it is you want...and with whom? Then ask yourself, "am I expecting too much from this person?"
Pianoguy
Though it's sad, at the end of the day he has decided he does not want to be with you. And until you can fully accept that, you cannot be his friend. It's clear that you want more from him which is fine but if you keep trying to be his friend you'll wind up in a situation in which you get hurt because the two of you will be involved but to him it will just be casual. So what to do? Personally, I would take a step back, stop contacting him and give yourself time to get over him. Only when you can imagine him with another girl and be ok with that should you even bother trying to be his friend.
Don't try to hold onto someone who doesn't want to be held...
It sounds like right now it's too tough for you to be friends because that is not at all what you want... and you will just put yourself up for pain. You can't manipulate someone into wanting something you want him to want.