Friends of 8 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Friends of 8 years
9
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 8:21pm
I have been friends with this guy for 8 years. We're pretty close. We go out occasionly but in the last several months we have gone out more. Normally when we go out its usually with friends(we have the same friends. That is how we met.) were never alone till a few weeks ago. Which was very nice to spend alone time. Last night was our first deep converstaion that we talked about things in the past and the future, relationships, dating, families etc... We always tell each other everything and anything. Last night he said some things about what he is looking for has changed in the last few months. I thought to myself ok Im not the type of person hes looking for but deep down inside I know he is just saying those things cause I know him. We have nothing to hide besides how we feel about each other. Over the years friends of ours always keep asking me about us is there something between us cause we got along so well, were perfect for each other etc..... Well I decided to bring up some stuff that has been bothering me over the years with him if we want a future together cause both of of us are ready to settle down(may or maynot be with each other). We never really told each other how we felt besides hinting around here and there over the years. Well this morning I texted him to tell him what our friends say about us. That we should go for what we want, to open our eyse cause we have the person right in front of us etc... I dont think he had a clue. Now that I've told him I havent heard from him since. I feel that our friendship wont ever be the same or over with. The reason I have been keeping it all in cause I didnt want to ruin our friendship. Is our friendship over or what is going on? Why hasnt he called? I feel like I have lost my best friend. I acutally could cry cause I miss him and I may have runined our friendship that we have. I dont like the silence we are having right now. I know I should wait to hear from him. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 9:20pm

The next time you feel like revealing deep thoughts to somebody, please do it in person and not through a text message. I don't know what is going on with this guy but I do know that he is mulling over what you said and doesn't feel any pressure to ring you up to discuss it.

You only wrote that message this morning so give this guy a couple of days to respond. If he doesn't then you probably have your answer, he's not interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 9:51pm
First of all we didnt do all of our deep discusion on text messsage. If that is how it came across I'm sorry not all of it was. I do have a harder time talking about things face to face especially feelings. It has to do with my past. What do you mean by mulling?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 10:37pm

He also has alot going on right now. He's on disability(broke his leg in motor cross racing)so finances are tight, his grandma past way, trying to sell some of his stuff to pay for bills, his father is recovering open heart surgery.

Also this is our 3rd or 4th argument that we have had in the last 8 years. I believe we are hearts are stonger than our minds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 11:52pm

Hi Chamey101,

Just to let you know that we did talk about 30 minutes ago. He did get my messages this morning. He was in the middle of fixing up his bike that he's selling. He ran into alot problems and didnt have time to call back. He was having a buyer come to take a look at it. I know he was telling me the truth. We dont hide anything from each other. If he was not telling me the truth I would be able to tell in his voice and his answers. I just know this from knowing his habits and knowing him for 8 years. He is going out with his buddies and some of there friends that I dont know tonight. Which is fine with me cause some of my friends and I are going out very soon. We dont need to spend every waken momment with each other. I feel much better that we talked tonight. I just wish we had more time to talk. Oh well what can you do. I know that I will be able to talk to him when he gets home or next day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 9:15am
Great, talk to him then and be open and honest. He will tell you what is on his mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 1:41pm
Whatever happens what you did was good I think because if he is not interested you need to move on from him and find a new man. How can you do it with this guy hanging around all the time? Just give him a little time to think about what you said. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 6:40pm
Thanks. Now that I think about it more and more I'm glad that I did talk to him about it. I totally agree with you if he's not interested that I need to move on and find another man. No I cant do it with him hanging around all the time. Ok I will give it some time to see what happens. I think we might be going out in a couple weeks so I will see how it goes. I will keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 7:05pm
Just to let you know that everythig is working out great!!!! We talked about some of our problems that we were having and we worked through them. I cant believe how much he has changed. I wish he would of been like this a few years ago. We could of been married and started a family. Its been one of my wishes that he gets to this point and he did it!! Even though it took a while. I am so glad that I stuck by his side as a friend etc....!!! We are going away for a few days at the end of September before he has to go back to work. One of the places I am going to be showing him is one of my favorite places to go to in the fall. We are looking forward to it. I went out this past weekend with the girls out of town for the night. I couldnt believe how much I missed him. I'm so use to having him with me when we go out on weekends. I'm like I might call you later to come and get me. He's like no just have fun and that I should spend time with the girls also. He's like go have as many drinks as you want your not driving. It felt good to hear it from him that he is ok that I spend time with my friends. Hes just more amazing as time goes on. Im seeing more of a different side of him just like he is seeing a different side of me. I will say in about a year or so we probably will be engaged!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 10:40am
I agree. For anything meaningful it's best to do it by voice not thru words.
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