Friends after Breakup, Hot or NOT ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Friends after Breakup, Hot or NOT ?
1
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 6:55pm
Hi, I need an opinion other than that of my friends. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up around Xmas. Short synopsis of the relationship, we had a great time together when things were going well, great chemistry, attraction, fun, you name it, however, he was always on the jealous side, and partially it was my own fault because I tend to be too outgoing and have many male friends.

For some reason he was unsure in my love for him and willingness to long term commitment, even though it tried to persuade him otherwise with my words and actions. Anyhow, things came to ahead around Xmas, 5 days to be exact when I called him and told him I was going out with my friends who happened to be guys, but without him, I just wanted to spend an evening with my friends, he blew-up, accused me of going out with them so I could flirt with them, and broke-up with me on the spot, that included cancelled trip to his parents house, returning back Xmas gifts and all.

So, anyhow, a month later he contacted me with a bizarre request that he wanted to be friends again, he explained that a long time ago he met a girl who really liked him and during the last month of our relationship (while for the 9 months I was going out with him I destroying his self-esteem) she was building his self-esteem up, so he broke-up with me and went out with her, and according to him she used him for car rides and favors, he never got any because she was a virgin, and finally dumped him a month later. Well, so sorry for his troubles.

So, now he is back begging forgiveness and wanting to be friends. So, OK, being the nice person that I am, I said I forgive you, I don’t want to hold any grudges, but apparently it’s not enough. He wants to be part of my life, want himself to be a shoulder for me to cry on (I have a lot of friends for that), wants me to share all my good and bad with him and be there. This is quite bizarre because we were not friends before we met, and I think it’s hard to go from lovers to friends, plus on top of it all he thinks I destroyed his self-esteem, and here he is he can’t have me out of his life? quite bizarre.

He says as a friend he will not be as bad – jealous as he was as a lover, and I don’t have to be afraid (afraid of what ?)because he moved on and etc.


He ‘resurrected’ a tradition we had while we were dating, he used to send out emails at 4 each day to find out how I am. First of I do not think it is appropriate in friends only relationship, but, whatever, it’s just email. He never fails to write those and even phoned once to apologize when he missed one day. He writes detailed emails about his life. Well, of course I care about him but I didn’t realize that he wanted to keep in touch on a daily basis when I forgave him. Some people told me just to let him know not to email me on the regular basis but I feel bad doing this but at the same time I do not understand why he insists on staying friends, (he was always very complainy about me, my friends etc when we were going out) so what on earth possesses him now ?

I recently lost my job and he was since enough to invite me out to dinner or a movie as a method of being there for me for a friend, but of course I declined because I think it’s just inappropriate. Now he says he misses me and wouldn’t mind ‘bumping’ into me somewhere. I am kind of confused by this situation and think him bizarre. I was thinking of may be going back to him but in light of the circumstances, it would probably be unwise since it is unlike he all of a sudden changed and became a ‘good boy’, chances are he is still as jealous as he was 10 years ago with his first girlfriend (he told me that tid bit).


What do you guys, think ? I value your opinion, please share it.

O.





iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 8:56pm
NOT.