friends with benefits

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
friends with benefits
4
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:26pm
hi. i just had a few questions...i have broken up with my ex-boyfriend for 4 months and have been together for 3.5 years. the surprising and good thing is that he and i still remain friends. however, he and sometimes i say how much we miss each other especially the intimate part. i ask him what he thinks about us, like where he sees this friendship going and if he sees us coming back together. he says he's not quite sure because he is still upset at himself for hurting me (my reason to rethink getting back to him.lying issue). i know he still has issues to deal with like with himself, figuring out who he is and what he wants(he's still in his last semester of college). my question is if he and i were to become intimate with each other (i know, i know...friends w/ benefits)do you think that would be a healthy and/or smart move? do you think it could possibly push him to reconsider wanting to come back in a relationship? what do you guys think? what are some issues and/or problems that can arise? please be truthful/blunt if necessary? thank you all so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:31pm
I think casual sex would turn you into a doormat and this is not a good thing to do.

You must keep your distance and create a full life without him. If it is meant to be it will be and only time will tell. I would make him work for your trust and heart. And if he gets that, and only if, then he gets the goods!!

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:36pm
Generally, FWB tells a guy that you're able to have physical gratificationw ithout emotional attachment - and he should proceed to do the same.

So he goes out and flirts with and dates girls he finds attractive, that he hasn't been wtih, that there is sexual chemistry with but with the allure of the unknown an dpossibly unattainable...and usually FWB situations end up with the girl calling up to hang out and hook on a Friday night and she's told "Well, I'v been dating someone now for a few mnths and we're going to start being intimate and it's not right that I should keep in such close contact with you in light of my commitment to her."

Sex is just physical gratification. And you're proposing to be "exclusive" in a no-obligation way with someone that lies? Puhleeze...what's to stop him about lying who he's sleeping wtih or slept with while still sleeping with you - in an FWB situation it is ALL about no-obligation sex.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 11:18pm

I don't think anybody here is going to encourage you to enter into FWB with an ex-boyfriend, especially since you hope that it will lead him back into a relationship with you. That's just not a safe thing for you... physically or emotionally.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 7:22am
Friends with benefits is just that "FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS" If you are hoping that bringing the intimate part of your relationship back will get him BACK you are going about it all wrong.

In order to have a true friends with benefits there is no expectations for either party for a relationship beyond sex.

You want him back, bottom line. You are just hoping that the sex will woo him back. That isn't friends with benefits. That's playing games.

You are the only one going to get hurt in this scenario.