Friends with benefits need advice please

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2007
Friends with benefits need advice please
4
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 4:24pm
Hi I am really confused as I have never been in this situation until now. I have known this guy for almost 6 months now and really like him a lot. At the beginning we went out 3 times over a couple of months and then I let him come over one nite and some stuff happend. We didn't see each other again but kept in contact through text messages but not very often. One day he texted me and hinted out he would like to come over but stated that he more less just wanted to be friends with benefits and didn't want to get seriousley involved right now so at first I was cool with it and told him I respected that. But then something came up and he wasn't able to come over, this happend twice and so I just left it at that and emailed him back and told him it was probally for the best and that I really liked him but that I liked myself more and valued my self not to be in a relationship just for the sex I also told him that I realized that I contradicted myself by first saying it was ok and then saying it wasn't. He never responded and we went almost a month without talking and then Christmas eve he saw me in church in which I didn't talk to him but the minute I got home there was a text from him wanting to know if I saw him (this has happend a couple of times where I've seen him then he sends me a message wanting to be aknowledged) anyways I did reply and said yes I saw you but didn't get a chance to say hi he sent one back saying he really wanted to talk but didn't get the chance either, I never replied and I don't know why I did it but the other day I decided to send him a text and said hi in which we started talking and it led to him coming over. We had a nice visit and talked about things in general etc and of course it led to the bedroom after wards he did hold me in his arms for a bit and then he asked me if I was ok with it all and I said yes I am ok with it and he said well I just don't want to do anything to upset you and I told him that when I sent him that message about not being ok I told him I was feeling confused and he said he understood and it was ok. Is there any potential here or am I gonna be wasting my time knowing thats all he really wants? Can feelings change? He really did seem to be showing some emotion through his actions but I don't know what to think. I know if he really liked me he would be pursuaing me and he doesn't only when I see him then he wants to be aknowledged. I'm at a loss here. I will continue dating other guys and he knows this and he also knows that If I get serious about someone then I will not see him again. Please help...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2006
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 6:30pm
it's a tough one. Ive been someones FWB, and more time to time, for over 16 years. Its funny, because its never been a secret, even though we both tried to pretend it was. Long story - but I'm not sure how old you are, or what you are looking for from someone, but my advice, is, unfortunately, as much as you care, or as much as you want to read into all the "signs", don't waste your time. Keep dating the other guys. Waste your time on the guy who gives you what you really want. If this guy really wants you, in time, you will know. Until that point, really listen to what he tells you, and believe him the first time. I know its hard, trust me, I really know its hard, but, you don't want to do this for the next 16 years!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2007
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 5:36am
Just an update here I wish I could just forget him once in for all..
talk about confusing I am beyond confused. so it has been almost 3 weeks since I was with this guy and he has ignored me like usual however Friday nite I went out on a date with another guy friend and when we got to the bar my friends with benefit guy was in there and when he saw us he just kept staring and the funny thing is I could so sense that it bothered him very much as he just kept staring and staring at the guy I was with. When I went to use the rest room I tried to walk past him with out saying anything and he made it a point to say hi to me very loudly almost like he was mad and then I just said hi how are you and he said good and you and I said good and then he went and sat at the bar and was talking to the bartender and they were both looking over at our table, so I am sure that he was askin who that guy was, then a little later he went over to the juke box where one of his lady friends was standing and not sure if it was him or her but one of them played the song I want you to want me and then every so often he just kept looking over at us, then when he left he walked by and said see ya and I said take care. I'm really trying not to read anything into this cause I have myself convinced that if he liked me at all he wouldn't ignore me and only want to be aknowledged when I see him but at the same time it doesn't make sense. erghhh I'm so frustrated I just want to forget him and I can't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 5:01pm
This guy is using you for sex once he is done he will move on you need to ask yourself if this is really worth it for if your hoping for something more I highly doubt it

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 5:09pm

Sounds like his ego got bruised by seeing you with someone else, but that doesn't mean he actually wants any sort of relationship with you other than occasional sex on his terms.

Any chance you can avoid the places where he tends to hang out for the time being until you're completely over him? That's what I would suggest.

Sheri