Friends before dating

Avatar for vanillaswirls
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Friends before dating
4
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 6:43pm
I really like this guy who is very school oriented and I overheard that he didn't want a girlfriend because he was scared he wouldn't have time for her with all of his studies. The thing is I really like him, but I figure maybe if I become a closer friend with him maybe he'll take a chance. I don't mind the independence that he probably needs with school because I have my own life as well and I can wait. But it would be nice to have something there! How do you become friends with a guy you are romantically interested in without scaring him off?
Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 7:24am

Why don't you become friendly with him and not expect a relationship because you aren't going to get one. Nobody says he has to commit to marrying you because you are friendly. And nobody says you can't look around for other men while you are being friendly to this guy. School terms eventually end, summer is only 6 months away when he might have more time to date.

However, you need to take into consideration that this reason for not dating might only be an excuse. He might be gay, asexual or very very success driven, in which case you might not have a chance in the relationship department.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 7:49am

vanillaswirls..

Pianoguy thinks FRIENDSHIPS ARE GREAT! Simply because they can last indefinitely.

The problems begin when one partner WANTS or EXPECTS more out of that friendship that the other partner can't (OR WON'T) give.

So if you can be comfortable with just 'being a good friend' with no expectations for anything more...GO FOR IT! The man you're interested will probably understand you better if you don't 'push him too hard' for romance.

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 7:47pm
As long as you're aware this might never become a girlfriend/boyfriend situation and are fine with whatever happens or doesn't happen. As you said you have your own life. But why don't you suggest some school-related activity - maybe he can help you with a problem you're having with a class the two of you take, etc.
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Avatar for vanillaswirls
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 9:56pm
Thanks guys! I am most definatly going to try it out, and if something happens, it happens. If not, well then at least I will have a great friend, right?