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friends dating friends?
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 1:45am |
I recently broke up with my boyfriend, 'Jesse,' of 15 months. Our relationship was pretty complicated but basically I had outgrown our relationship and was no longer satisfied settling for less. Since early December we have been fighting and I couldn't deal with it any more. Throughout my issues with my boyfriend, I often talked to my good friend 'Alex'. I've known Alex since fall 2002, we met through my then bf, and remained close through the break-up, often meeting on our college campus for coffee and lunch. When I started to date Jesse, I stopped talking to Alex since Jesse was not too fond of him and thought that Alex liked me.
Alex is incredibly smart, and a talented writer. He plays the piano beautifully and has always had my trust. Since my break up with Jesse, I have realized for over a year I have liked Alex despite my dating his friend, and him dating my best friend. Yes, that's right...Alex hooked up with my best friend 'Rachel' and I never was very thrilled about it. I was happy for them, but did not approve of their relationship. When they broke up I was mad that Rachel let Alex go so quickly but relieved that it was over.
I have heard Alex's girl problems ever since we became friends and it always irked me that he went for girls below him. This last week I told Alex about my feelings--purely by accident. I was tired and wasn't censoring myself as much as I should have been. Before you know it, the cat is out of the bad. Then he tells me that he wanted to hook up with me at one point in time to show me the kind of man I deserve to be with, and show me how I deserved to be loved and appreciated. I was really confused the next few days b/c he never really told me how he felt. When I asked about things, he finally told me that yes, he had feelings for me too but did not want to rush into anything and I told him that I did not want to jump into a relationship. We both agreed that we could have fun with this and just play things as they came up. My problem? I want to hang out with Alex, and I mention going to grab sushi together (an old pastime) and we had plans until his older brother dropped off his son with him. So no sushi... I really like Alex, and I want to explore this feeling more, but I don't know what to tell him and I don't know what he wants to do. It seems like he is holding me at an arm's length despite him saying only good can come from our feelings. Any advice??? Thanks.
Alex is incredibly smart, and a talented writer. He plays the piano beautifully and has always had my trust. Since my break up with Jesse, I have realized for over a year I have liked Alex despite my dating his friend, and him dating my best friend. Yes, that's right...Alex hooked up with my best friend 'Rachel' and I never was very thrilled about it. I was happy for them, but did not approve of their relationship. When they broke up I was mad that Rachel let Alex go so quickly but relieved that it was over.
I have heard Alex's girl problems ever since we became friends and it always irked me that he went for girls below him. This last week I told Alex about my feelings--purely by accident. I was tired and wasn't censoring myself as much as I should have been. Before you know it, the cat is out of the bad. Then he tells me that he wanted to hook up with me at one point in time to show me the kind of man I deserve to be with, and show me how I deserved to be loved and appreciated. I was really confused the next few days b/c he never really told me how he felt. When I asked about things, he finally told me that yes, he had feelings for me too but did not want to rush into anything and I told him that I did not want to jump into a relationship. We both agreed that we could have fun with this and just play things as they came up. My problem? I want to hang out with Alex, and I mention going to grab sushi together (an old pastime) and we had plans until his older brother dropped off his son with him. So no sushi... I really like Alex, and I want to explore this feeling more, but I don't know what to tell him and I don't know what he wants to do. It seems like he is holding me at an arm's length despite him saying only good can come from our feelings. Any advice??? Thanks.
Signatures On
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 8:25am |
It sounds like he is not that into you - for example, I wouldn't find it respectful if a man said he wanted to "hook up" with me to show me how I deserved to be treated - rather, if he truly wanted a relationship with you he would have told you that he wished he could date you and get to know you so that you could see how you deserved to be treated. I would back way off and leave the ball in his court. I was friends with someone for a year before we started dating - during that year I would call him whenever i felt like it and suggest getting together but once I realized he and I wanted more I let him do most of the pursuing in the beginning - I stopped treating him like a pal and let him do the asking and the planning - (we dated for almost 5 months). So, if your desire to be in a relationship with him is stronger than your need to be his buddy, back off and let him do the asking out.
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 8:58am |
Just so ya know... sometimes when people use the term "hook up" it doesn't mean the physical act. Sometimes it's slang to "get together" or "be together." I don't know if that's the case here but just wanted you to know... (And no, it's not just a Brooklyn thing! hehe)
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:34am |
I thought hooking up meant kissing or some physical/romantic contact. LOL re the brooklyn thing!
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 2:46pm |
:) Yep, it can mean that too--it's all about the context and the person saying it. hehe.
| Sun, 02-29-2004 - 8:20pm |
I guess I should have been more clear...he didn't know whether we would just be together for the weekend, like one time deal thing and wasn'thinking about the ramifications of us having sex, but wanted to show me how i deserved to be loved, treated etc.
