friends first, now what?????
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friends first, now what?????
| Sun, 08-22-2004 - 3:17pm |
hi. i have a good male friend for about 6 years. we always got along very well and hang out all the time. this weekend, me and him got crazy and ended up together. it was fun and i enjoyed having that with him. however, now i am worried. i dont want this to ruin our friendship but we were attracted to each other and went with it. he is a good friend of mine and i want to say something to him about everything. i dont know how to approach this topic though. i dont want him thinking i am looking for anything more, even though i wouldnt disown the idea. however, i am happy at just staying friends. any advice on what i should say or do? i called him and left a short message just to say hi etc. he usually picks up the phone right away but this time he didnt. now i am worried...........help!

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It's just a thought, but maybe your 6-year acquaintance is still adjusting to the fact that the 2 of you crossed the line of friendship...BY SLEEPING TOGETHER?
Granted..."It Takes Two To Tango" (as Todd Rundgren pointed out in the 70s), but maybe this man could've been stunned by the fact that you felt the way you did. (Your original post didn't go into a lot of background about how the 2 of you have interacted in the past).
Since you've already made the phone calls and gotten no responses....give the man some space for about a week...then mail off a nice (not mushy) snail mail card to his address.
Indicate in a short note that you "treasure the friendship the 2 of you have shared over the past 6 years and don't want this past incident to spoil it!"
Don't go into any more details. Just mail the card and see if you get a response from him.
Pianoguy
That is being a jerk.
You had an intimate encounter I am sure you didn't force him so he needs to be a man.
He may be uncomfortable now but I so were you and you called him.
i plan on just leaving things the way the are, not pushing anything right now. i will see where things go from here. eventually we will talk about it but i will let it come up naturally. i wouldnt rule out the idea of dating my friend but i am also happy being just thr friends we have always been.
i am 30 and he's 28. we have known each other 6 years and are good friends. this thing just happened between us, and it was surprising for me and i suspect him too. i never in the 6 years made a move, or anything towards him and he didnt either so when this happened it was kind of funny.
i dont regret it at all as i am not the girl who "hooks up" with guys on a whim so i am comfortable with what has happened. i was scared when i didnt hear from him that he might of thought it ruined our friendship. i think you are right, he might of been surprised by the fact that it did happen as he probably had no idea, nor as i did, that we could be like that. we never acted like that in the whole 6 years. we were just friends.
so once again, i thank you for helping clear my mind and giving your thoughts on this. i will update you in the future.
thanks
Pianoguy wants you to stay in touch...because you never know...this 6-year friendship the 2 of you have MIGHT lead to something more serious? Just keep me in mind if you need a pianist-entertainer for a future engagement party or a wedding reception, okay? :)
Pianoguy
well, not much has happened here since my last post. i told you already that i had spoken to hin on tues and he asked what i was doing fri night and that we'd get together to hang out........
well, thursday i was out with friends and gave him a call (like i always did) and left a message just saying if he was out and about to come have a drink with us . well, he never called and fri came and went and no call.
like i said before, in the past before anything happened between us, if i called his phone he would pick up right away and if i got his voicemail, he would call back asap. now, he doesnt return calls or pick up his phone. i am beginning to feel like he is trying to avoid me. i havent changed the way i am acting towards him and just being myself as usual, but he has changed. i dont know what to do. if we could just get together so we could talk about things and clear the air then i would be happy. instead i am left confused about what to do. my friends say he really should be calling me back, because of the friendship.
he is a quiet guy who thinks very deeply, but i sometimes wonder if maybe he does indeed like me more and just doesnt know what to do with it??????? or has he been freaked out by the whole thing and is running away????????? help! from a guys point of view, what do you think? i am not going to call anymore but that in its self makes me sad because it just means that things have changed between us because of what has happened. what should i do????? please send any insight you have........
Pianoguy thinks YOU are absolutely correct!
This man IS avoiding you...and it could be for a multitude of reasons. No point in going through a 'laundry list' here---BUT---DO NOT CALL OR COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!
It's one thing to be "a quite guy"----but I think his SILENCE toward you is voluntary!
Pianoguy
I will give it time and in the future i know we will talk about this. it kind of makes me mad as i thought we were friends enough to get thru this. Its really on him now, as i tried to be the casual way i have always been with him so i can do no more. only time will tell.........thanks, i'll keep you posted
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