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| Sat, 02-18-2006 - 5:14pm |
Hi everyone. I'm dating this guy that I've dated a couple of times before. We never really started off as friends so that whole aspect is missing. Recently, like i said, we started talking again but i told him that we should be friends. i think part of me may be fooling myself into thinking that i can put my feelings for him aside or not be enticed into kissing him or doing other things. naturally, i would love to be with him in a committed relationship but i think we need to be friedns, not even date. this new route would make sure that the same mistakes that happened last time don't occur.
how do i stay friends with this guy with having the potential of it leading to a relationship if things seem to be heading that way? i cannot look at him and think friend. i don't behave the way i do with my other guy friends. when we go out to, for example, the movies, we want to hold hands, kiss, hug, things friends don't do (unless they are friends with benefits). i wonder if he's dating other people. when we don't talk or if he doesn't contact me, i get a bit upset
we know we have feelings for each other and when we aren't talking, we miss each other but i want things to be right this time around
what can i do?

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i absolutely think what you're saying is correct but i'm scared that i'll lay it on too thick and scare him. if he likes me as much as i do, what's the issue? i had made it clear to him that we needed to communicate more in person, on the phone etc.., do things differently this time around to make us work.
how it stands with us currently... we just started talking again last friday so it's been 4 days but knowing him as long as i have, it doesn't feel like there was a break between us. i ended it the last time because of the same issues that i'm trying to fix now...the lack of communication, etc..we are both on reading week, and haven't done anything together yet (i guess that's fine as long as we do something eventually this week)
i told him that it's impossible to be his friend and that it's a relationship or nothing between us because i have so much feeling for him. he told me flat out that the thought of me with another man really upsets him (you'd think this was enough reason to make me his) i don't know how his last relatonship was with his ex but to me it seems like he has problems expressing his feelings for me apart from verbally. he hasn't made any movements to show that he would like me to be his gf, apart from him telling me he has feelings for me but at the same time, i'm sure he doesnt want me to date anyone else...it doesnt work that way. he needs to realize that to make this work, we can't treat each other like acquaintences. i think that we should see each other 1-2 times a week and talk everyday or every other day. to me that's reasonable for people who want to develop their relationship into somethig more
i guess part of me feels like he (being more experienced than me in the relationship department) should know this stuff and i shouldn't have to spell it out for him.
part of me also wants to give up but when we aren't together or talking, i feel a void in my life. i think he's too comfortable in the situation we're in and doesn't realize that it would hurt so much if i said bye and left for some other guy
alison, i'm lost
You're expecting him to know things yet you have to remember that we all operate in different worlds. What does this mean? If you're going to hold him to expectations, then you must let him know what your expectations are. It's not fair to hold him to unspoken expectations!
Tell him what you're thinking, tell him what you want and what you'd like to see happen this time around. Tell him and don't take anything for granted because he can't read your mind.
Hope this helps.
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