Friends, but wanting somthing more
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| Mon, 10-10-2005 - 11:25pm |
I have had this guy friend for the last 10 years. And it has only been in the last 7 months (since I have moved to another province) that I have started to see him in a new light. I believe I have finally found the guy I have always been looking for, hiding right under my nose the whole time!!! When I was home for a visit a few months back, I told him that I regretted us not going out. His response was that "if it is meant to be it will happen". The next day I left to fly back to where I am now living and he broke up with is then girlfriend.
I have recently found out that I am being transferred back to my home province (where he is), and I need help in figuring out how to let him know that I would like us to try going out. I am very nerves. I have never been in a committed relation ship before, and I really want this to work out with him...
Some advise please......
Edited 10/10/2005 11:45 pm ET ET by gal_help
Edited 10/10/2005 11:46 pm ET ET by gal_help
Edited 10/10/2005 11:47 pm ET ET by gal_help

Hi there...
I was in a very similar situation as you a few years ago. The fact that you have known this guy for 10 years and counting should speak volumes and should settle your nerves a little, don't you think? This isn't some guy that you just met on a Friday night or something... you've known him for that long meaning that you've somewhat evolved around him... and when we grow up we start seeing lots of things in a different light- especially our guy friends.
The fact that he said "if it is meant to be it will happen" says a few things. This isn't a response from someone who is disturbed by the idea that you two could have gone out and he certainly isn't trying to get you out of that mind frame... and at the same time he isn't leading you on.
The only thing you have to think of is if you want to put your friendship on the line. My ex and I lasted 2 years with one more year of on and off. Now- we're still friends but we'll never be able to go back to what we had before we started dating. At the time the whole idea excited me as much as it excites you i'm sure ... but looking back- in some ways i wish i never would have ventured down that road because we'll never be able to truly retain the friendship we once had. I was willing to take the risk- some people aren't. No one is right and no one is wrong when it comes to this type of stuff.
Don't fret too much about this or you'll drive yourself crazy - take it from someone who has "over analyzing" in her blood. Go with the flow of things because he is absolutely right.... if it's meant to be then it WILL happen. He knows that you at least once had an interest so you're officially in his head. Let him know you're headed back but leave it at that and don't take the first step ... let him.
Hope this helps a little... i wish you all the luck in the world :)
I can relate what you are talking about...I posted a message below 'sleeping with friends'... As much as it may hurt, I would have to say that if it was going to happen, it would have already. That is what I need to keep telling myself. You know, there is a reason you have been friends (and only friends) for so long. Take it from someone who is one the verge of loosing that closeness with a friend, because the boundries have been crossed.
Ultimately, follow your gut. If you think that you'll regret not trying - then go for it. Since you've been friends for so long, I'm sure you'll be able to work through this hiccup, if things don't work out. I'm sure that he's probably thought about you two dating at some point down the road too. Just be open with him. Put everything on the table, and force him to say why or why not he doesn't think things will work out. Also, I've found writing out what you want to say is helpful, and maybe you could give that to him to read - if you feel like it will be too hard to talk face to face. The most important thing though, is make sure you get the answers from him - don't leave the conversation without saying, or hearing him say everything that needs to come out.
It is your life, so you need to do what is best for you, and what will make you feel better.
I know I've given you kind of mixed responses, but it is a complicated topic - and it is easy to see things from both sides! Good luck!
Hi,
Thanks for the advise.I did write him a letter a few months back, asking him to please call me that I had something to talk to him about, And it could not wait until the next time we see one another face to face. He called me three weeks later and told me that he had his MOM open the letter for him and read it to him over the phone. After he told me that I lost the nerve to tell him why I needed him to call me. So I made up a lie.
I think if he had reed the letter he would have known that is was a little more then checking with my parents to see if I had gotten any mail. That was also the day that he told me he broke up with his girlfriend the day I left....
Needless to say, I am a little nerves to call his parents looking for him, now that his mom probably knows how I feel about him..