friends w/ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
friends w/ex
1
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 8:01pm
I have a dilema concerning my boyfriend of nearly 2 years. He's just about the most trustworthy guy I've ever met. I have had no reason to ever doubt his integrity. However, there is one aspect of our relationship that bothers me. My guy is still friends with a number of his ex-girlfriends. While he doensn't have that many friends to begin with, the ones he does have seem to be ex's. There is one in particular that he still calls on a regular basis to say 'hi'. Granted, he and this girl dated 7 years ago, and I have met her. He's not secretive about his calls and friendship with her. She's a causal friend...they see each other maybe twice a month when the two of them...along with their mutual friend...get together for drinks. I am always invited...that I know of. Does it seem strange to anyone else that a man in a serious relationship STILL keeps in touch with an ex-girlfriend? I'm the complete opposite. I am not friendly with any of my exes...at least not to the point where I call them and still hang out with them on occassion. What's this about? Anyone in a similar situation? Thanks for taking time to read my rant...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: question2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 8:30am
In a relationship we invest a lot of time and energy (not to mention ourselves) with another person. I think it's only natural to hold onto some of the bond formed during a relationship afterwards, especially if the best parts of your relationship were the parts resembling friendship. For some people, the transition from relationship to friendship is easy and logical. Your boyfriend is one of these people, you're not.

I understand both sides because there are a couple of my exes that I keep in touch with. Those couple are the ones that held a stronger friendship potential and ended positively. The point is that THEY ENDED, though. Take the friendships as a sign that your boyfriend is mature and grounded in what he wants from his friendships, as well as his relationships.

On the other hand, I can see why you'd think it was weird. I have several exes who I could not be friends with. It totally depends on what kind of chemistry two people develop over a period of time.

No worries, question2004. It sounds like he's ok.

:) Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com