Frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Frustrated
4
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 9:41pm
Okay, here's my situation...

I am a 25 year old black woman who is attracted to older white men. Although it seems as though these men may be attracted to me, they HAVE NEVER APPROACHED ME!! The last one on whom I had a huge crush flirted with me like crazy; I was thrilled until I found out that he's married with children!!

Now, there's this other guy, another older white guy, that I'm attracted to who doesn't wear a wedding band. Of course, this doesn't mean he isn't married. I wish I had the nerve to talk to him, to at least say hello. How do I find out about him without it seeming weird? I'm afraid that if he isn't attracted to black women, he may blow me off.

What do I need to do to get a White guy to approach me? Someone told me that in the South, white men are more reluctant to approach black woman. Also, my being a young woman may also make an older man hesitant to approach me. I'm frustrated because it seems as though I may never have the opportunity to explore a relationship with the kind of guy I'm attracted to because I'll never be approached by him. Also, I don't have the guts to do the approaching.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
In reply to: rivegauche25
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 6:08pm
Humor is always the best ice breaker. There is definately a stigma that goes along with one race approaching another but who cares. It is better to take the risk than continue wondering. Life is too short. Just say hello, thas a brilliant start. Then take it from there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: rivegauche25
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 6:23pm
Humour and compliments go a long way.

Try to get over your shyness and take a little boldness into yourself. If you are always waiting you may be missing out! The next time you see this guy you like, find something to talk about. Yes, even a cheesy comment on the weather can work. You'll never know until you try, right???

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
In reply to: rivegauche25
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 5:18pm
I've had plenty of experience with this... I am of African American descent, except a little older (32).

Fortunately, I live in California, but I have spent much time in the South, so I am very familiar with the environment.

That said, there are plenty of guys out there of all ages who are single and available who would consider dating someone of another "race" (we're all one race, the human race, as far as I'm concerned).

I agree with the others. Humour works, find something to chat about. If you are good at small talk (which I am not) you'll do fine.

Believe me... in the South I managed to date four Caucasian men, had a few flings, may have had other opportunities if I took them or I were not working with them. Granted, those relationships did not work out, but that's another topic.

Here in California, I am seeing a Caucasian male who is 17 years older than I am. I met him at a party, just started chatting with him. We both felt there was a connection, so here we are.

Also, I lived in a metropolitan area in the South. If you live in a small town, I'm not sure what that's like, might be harder to meet open-minded and available men, dunno...

Just be yourself, find something interesting to talk about, smile, laugh. Go ahead and approach them with the intention of getting to know them better, step back and give them room to approach you. If they don't, take a hint, find someone else.

A~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
In reply to: rivegauche25
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 10:27pm
Thank you so much for your advice.

I totally agree with you about there only being one race: the human race. Unfortunately, most of society doesn't agree that race (in terms of skin color) is a social construction, something that has no basis in reality and something that we created in order to deal with the differences between us...Anyway, I digress...

I would really like the opportunity to get to know a Caucasian man, specifically the object of my affection. I just really need to get the courage to talk to him (especially to find out if he's married or not). He seems really nice, a little shy, but nice. He doesn't wear a wedding band; however, I've learned in the past that this doesn't mean that he's unmarried.

I live in Atlanta, not a small town by any means, so I think that people, specifically men may be a little more open than those in small Southern towns.

I'm going to take a chance and talk to this guy...wish me luck, because I'll really need it. I really appreciate your insight.