frustrated by dating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
frustrated by dating!
2
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 12:56pm

I've been dating a lot lately and am frustrated by it! It seems like I go out with a guy and either we hit it off great and something gets in the way or I end up leaving a date not sure if I actually want to see them again.

I went out with one guy last month where we really hit it off. We had a lot of fun together and there was a definite attraction. The next week he got a new client assignment on the east coast and started to have to travel a ton. He said it isn't the best time for him to start a relationship since he isn't here, but he still wants to hang out when he's in town. So we're really just friends at this point, but I still see potential for more. Frustrating.

On the other hand I have gone out with a couple of other guys where I left the date confused about whether or not I wanted to see them again. There were no deal breakers, conversation flowed fine, I had some fun, but one thing would bother me (one guy wouldn't stop touching my back and it was almost like he was trying to lead me around, it pissed me off!) or I just didn't feel any chemistry.

I have a tendency to stick relationships out too long. Part of me wonders if I should give the lukewarm dates another chance, but I also don't want to waste my time. After 3 or 4 hours, I figure I should have a solid feeling whether I want to hang out again. Right?

I just want to find someone I hit it off with where there isn't some big barrier that comes up to block it off. But I don't want to settle. Is that what I am doing if I go out with lukewarm guys again?

Seya

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 2:45pm

seya79....

Not to pick on you, but Pianoguy thinks your dating approach (and perhaps your "expectations") are out of whack!

Lots of us often make a decision about another human being based on a first impression! If you consider the fact that the person you're spending a little time with is trying VERY HARD to show you 'his better side'---there's always the chance of misinterpreting a gesture or a remark.

Just out of curiosity, do you date a man with the assumption that he's either a "THUMBS UP" or "THUMBS DOWN" at the conclusion of 3 hours? Or are you willing to at least go out 2 or 3 more times before you decide to keep things going or break things off?

If your friends or (god forbid) a family member has told you in the past that you HAVE to arrive at a decision about a total stranger by the end of date #1....you'll probably remain SINGLE for a long time to come?

Keep in mind that most men can often 'sense' when a woman is having an enjoyable time (with them on a date) or is just 'counting the minutes' before we take her home!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 10-23-2005 - 3:38pm

There should be somewhere between sticking to a bad relationship too long and deciding after 3-4 hours that you are lukewarm. It's better than ice cold! If someone seems like a nice, decent person with a good personality, good job (doesn't hurt!)

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