funny problem! I need advice

Avatar for ms_glitter
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
funny problem! I need advice
5
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:57pm

ok, firstly thank U for reading this.
what I'm gonna say here can be a little awkward or confusing. I live in a middle east country, so there are many cultural issues here but since I couldn't get any help from my friend (who share the same conditions) I decided to say it here.

so I'm a 20 year old, remarkably beautiful girl (heads literally turn when I walk the street), with a few extra pounds, I have a very high self-esteem, I'm generally happy with the person I am, I live in a rather high social class, I'm a university student (I study graphic design). I'm generally easy going, I love laughing but I'm also dignified & when I know someone in a place (sociaty/place/party etc), i get on very well, I talk/dance/laugh.
(but when I'm alone in such place, not really. for instance, since all of my friends are from high school & I'm super close to them, I haven't made any real friends in university, I mean just laughing & talking between the classes but no going out & rarely any parties; & here I should mention something funny; we're only girls in the classes, but between the classes boys & girls talk & laugh &... make friends, go out,etc. & I can claim I don't know almost any boys in the university; that though can be bacause the only time I spend there is during the classes & I don't hang out in the corridors/garden/etc)

now here's the problem! I don't get any dates!
I don't understand it! I broke up with my ex more than a year ago & since then I've recieved only 2 suggestions: one from someone not-at-all my type (that was almost a year ago too), & the other one from from a 40 year old actor who made it very clear At the first phone talk that he wanted sex from me as soon as possible (while I wasn't even going to date him, he was a celebrity & I just wanted to talk to him to know what's he's like in real!)

now I"m not the type who goes out with any guy who gives out his number, (I have my own standards & my philosophy is not to spend time & energy on someone you know is unworthy of that); but the funny thing is that even the normal jerks who come to you at parties/collage/etc & try to flirt with you ask for a date don't come to me!
what's wrong with me?

I'm not obsessed about the situation at all, basically my character is a littel single, I mean I don't have a problem with being single & the whole dating thing at all (I've only had 2 serious relationships in my whole life, one from 16 to 18 & the other at 19); but this has started to pop up questions in my mind. how can it be that I'm not getting any dates? now as I said before there are many cultural issues in here which can make giving ideas difficult, but any thought can help me now.

my friends say it's nothing to worry about, but I'm not sure they thoroughly get it. 9it's not like they all have BFs, they all do get the suggestions though, even it's from jerks!) but sometimes I really feel bored & lonely & I'd like to have a boyfriend, not just girlfriends.

please help me, tell me what it can be.
thanx

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 2:47pm

You actually answered your own question in your post:

"I don't know almost any boys in the university; that though can be bacause the only time I spend there is during the classes & I don't hang out in the corridors/garden/etc)"

I'd suggest hanging out in the corridors and gardens more. Get to know some of the other male students and they will introduce you to their friends. If you are friendly and receptive then you will end up with a wide circle of male friends and be known as somebody who is positive and friendly. Sooner or later you will meet a datable man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 3:42pm
It sounds like it is you and the vibes you give off. We all want to feel wanted, love, and sexy and needed. I would guess that guys believe that you don't need them or want them. Besides the Jerks that don't care, guys don't want to feel used like meat. You think so much of yourself that guys might feel like they can't do anything for you. There is nothing wrong with having high self confidence. It is another to be a B*tch. Have your standards for dating but don't have an attitude that makes guys not want to talk to you. ( Or atleast the ones worth it)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 4:00pm
Now, now, let's not resort to name calling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 4:59pm

It just sounds like you need to make yourself more available. I mean this in a physical way (hanging out at school, talking to people, study groups maybe?) and in an emotional way, as well (open your mind up to new people, new friends, new hobbies). You sound like an intelligent, confident girl so it shouldn't be difficult for you to make the change. Just realize that it takes time to develop new relationships and give people a chance.

Avatar for ms_glitter
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 5:51am
thanx everyone. your advice would be a lot of help. I'll try what you said :D