future with boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
future with boyfriend
2
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 3:56pm
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, I am 24, he is 23. We have lived together for about a year now. He was in the military, just got out, now he is working, and starting school. I wanted to know if he thought there was a future for us together, and he says he wants there to be, but doesn't know for sure. We are both not ready for marriage. He is a marriage-phob. I just don't want to waste my time for someone that will never marry me. We have discussed the fact that if one person doesn't think that there will be a future, then the relationship is over. So he tells me that he possibly wants a future with me (marriage) but is not sure, but is definately not a no. More like, lets see how the next couple years go, because he is not thinking about marriage right now.



I got all upset one night, and cried, because I told him I thought that he would never marry me, and he said no, thats not true. But that he couldn't say yes as of now.

But now I found out, that he tells his an ex-girlfriend, that he could never marry me.

I don't get it! He tells me maybe, but he tells her no. And everytime I ask him, he says that he loves me, loves our relationship as it is, but can't give me anything more at this time. I don't know what to do. I am fine with him saying that he doesn't want to get married now, but at least there is a possibility for a future, but why is he telling his ex that there is no future for us. We live together, and plan on moving to another part of the city in the summer, we have plans for way in the future. Is he using me, because it is nice to live with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:21pm
He's telling you up front that he doesn't know...at what point does he start to hold you back from you achieving your goals and wasting your time? I think it's right now. If you've been living together for a year, how much more does he need to know about you that he hasn't already? He's got enough information to know if you're the one or not. I think he was able to be blunt with his friend more than he was able to be with you.

Think on it...someone you love and care for asks you if there's a future for you together, but you know it's not forever...can you say the words?? what if you like living wtih them and there are some perks you don't really want to give up like sharing rent and having a regular lover?? do you tell them honestly or do you sit on the fence about it until the relationship is over for you?

If your needs are not being met in the relationship, then it's time to leave...I think it's a waste of time to hang around to see if your needs will be met at some future point. Is the goal to be in a meaningful relationship that isn't going to lead to marriage or is marriage the goal? If marriage is the goal, you need to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 6:05am
Hold your horses. You said yourself that you are not ready to get married?

And next question... how the heck can you believe what his ex says?