for future reference

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2013
for future reference
1
Mon, 09-02-2013 - 7:16pm

Ok, so I obviously need help deciphering guys a bit more. There was this guy, and honestly it's not so much about him but as telling what he meant (if that is ever possible with men) so hopefully I can translate these kinds of things in the future. Anyway,  this guy was a family friend so I would see him when I visit. At first, he kinda kept to himself. I remember one time, the whole time we were alone he said not one word to me.....talk about awkward but then I wasnt really volunteering any conversation either. Then another time he was more talkative but we were always around people too. After this there was a party and I was people-watching, and drinkin my beer and then he comes over saying he doesnt like to see people sitting alone and basically pulls me over to the crowd he was with, which I thought was nice and he was just trying to make sure everyone was having a good time. What I have failed to mention so far is he always had a girlfriend, which was another reason I never thought anything of it and was just kinda grateful that at least now when I saw him we were on talking terms. BUT, after this the next time, he was having trouble with his GF at that time and was again being very sweet and talkative and even open about how they were fighting, he even made a joke if he didnt find another girl to take his mind off it all that night, that it was gonna be me. Again I fig he was just playin around.. he ended up not finding one and got really drunk. I am not proud of this but we made out and he wanted to do more but I couldnt be that girl that had a one-nite stand with him when I knew he still had a GF so I had to stop it and he got pissed. After this I heard that things were really not going well with the GF and a few ppl asked about what happened b/t us so I said nothing but if he was still interested and they arent together now, I would be willing to give it a shot. Anyways never got a response on it then found out later that the person I told this to lied, saying they never had been able to talk to him yet, so b/c of this and b/c other ppl were asking me, I asked someone else to find out, which I dont know why as honestly its kinda what I expected and I think only reason what happened at all that nite was due to him being 1. a guy, 2. drunk, and 3. mad at the GF so fig it didnt mean anything to him anyway so I was like ok, cool, nevermind, but now each time I have seen him since it's all awkward and quiet again and he wont barely talk to me except one time he made a dig at me so now I'm like wth? did i handle this the wrong way? is he mad I reached out after I stopped him that nite? should I not have asked someone else to find out from him after I found out the other person lied to me? was he actually interested in me? and should I even care? again, I am trying to see if by going into all this crazy detail, I point out something that I missed that will inform me how to handle something like this later since although I hate to admit it, I dont seem to be smart enough to see if for myself as somehow something similar to this has happened again. Honestly I dont know how I get myself into these scenarios .......just trying to keep from repeating stupid history....again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Mon, 09-02-2013 - 10:29pm

Do you really think a decent guy will gripe about his girlfriend to someone he barely knows? Do you think a decent guy will cheat on his girlfriend by making out with another girl? Do you think decent guys make digs at girls who don't deserve it? Past or present behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. This means that if you dated him, when he was angry at you, he'd badmouth you to other girls and try to make out with them. Is this the type of guy you deserve? No. You need to learn to spot red flags. You need to value your self worth and only accept people into your life who treat you right. Instead of wondering what you did wrong or what you could've done to produce a different outcome, why don't you just realize what a jerk this guy is instead of assuming the problem is you? Read some articles on dating do's and don'ts. You need to learn the difference between a loser and a decent man. Good luck.