FWB? hookup?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
FWB? hookup?
2
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:07pm
Hey.... any advice would be so great because I'm really confused and ready to give up. There's this guy that I'm very interested in and we're both college students. I had a class with him so we chatted online frequently and collaborated on assignments. He really isn't the type to initiate anything, so I would just visit him since my friends lived near him. He seemed happy to have company and I think we are friends not just classmates. One nite after a movie in his room, everyone left and we were just talking comfortably and chillin to some music. It was very late and when I finally decided to leave, he asked if I really wanted to walk all the way back. We ended up literally sleeping together (not sex). We cuddled and he had his arm around me the whole night. We were sorta affectionate, but when I left in the morning he only hugged me and said he was glad I stayed. We didn't talk about it after. A day or two later, he called me 'darling' once. So this happened again a couple weeks later. I dunno if his roommate laughs at me behind my back, but he’s been nice to me when I was over. This time he walked me out and since we live far apart, he told me to feel free to call anytime over the summer. I feel like he’s not a player but it confuses the hell out of me that we act like it never happened in front of other people. Maybe I act like I don’t want other people to know? I'm a pretty inexperienced girl and I'm sure he knows that.... I can't figure out how he feels about me. Girls I ask about this tell me to confront him and tell him that I like him more than friends. The guys say I’ll freak him out because it sounds like I want commitment. I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do. He’s a cool guy that I really like. I want to stay friends with him if he’s not attracted to me. But I don’t want to be the “friend with benefits”. Any ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bella210
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:37pm
Look, if you must analyze "what he's doing" with the hope of finding out what he wants....also require yourself to analyze "what he's NOT doing" so that you can also weigh that in your evaluation.

He's NOT asking you out on a date. You're justifying it with he's shy - but he's not so shy that he's willing to cuddle all night long, or have you over in his room. So he's not shy - he's just not asking you out on a formal date.

You go to him alot - because you live far away. No, you go to him alot because you're afraid he won't come see you - because you live so far away. And rather than find out he doesn't want anything except maybe a booty call - you go to him, and infiltrate yourself in his life so that if a booty call is what you become, you'll think possiblities exist for more.

But basically, you teach people how to treat you. And you've taught him with your actions, decisions and words that you do'nt have to be dated - to be cuddled, kissed, and "slept only" with. Meaning that probably pretty much whatever else he had in mind - he wouldn't have to date you to get it...and since he doesn't have dating in mind because he hasn't asked you out...you can deduce that is willingness to hang out - is because all of it is written "she's potentially willing to hook up."

If tomorrow you stopped going by except very occasionally, and you stopped initiating contact..and if he called and wanted you to come over late, and "just sleep over" at the end of a late night movie and you said "No, I've decided that I don't do that with boys anymore. IF men want my company and companionship in any way, he's got to ask for a date" - you'd never hear from him again, and you know it. That's why you won't do it.

Ther'es nothing wrong with wanting to hook up - but just be honoest with yourself about what you want, so that you can be honest with him about what you want.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: bella210
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 12:02pm

I think Erin's correct in saying that you shouldn't waste your energy thinking about the significance (or lack thereof)

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