Gay or not?
Find a Conversation
Gay or not?
| Tue, 07-20-2004 - 12:10am |
Thanks for reading my story. I knew a guy through internet dating. He is very nice. I think I like him. But he has a gay friend & he hang around with the gay friend some time. He is very sensible person. I mentioned once if he is gay or something like that. He was upset about this. Can anyone give any advice that I can find out if he is bi-sexual? I will have chance to meet his friends some time coz we work in the same area. Any advice how I can find out from his friends? Really appreciate if you can give any advice.

I can understand why this guy was upset when you asked if he was gay. It's an awfully broad assumption to make simply because he has a gay friend.
And just because a person is 'sensible' doesn't mean they're gay or not.
Accept the guy for who he is and how he treats you. Gay friends or straight, as long as they're nice people, what's it matter?
Eve
Edited 7/20/2004 12:58 am ET ET by pureatheart11
Maintaining an attitude like this is only going to frustrate him and push him away. What would you like him to DO to prove to you he's straight? Even if he did do something to show you he's straight (and I still can't think of anything he could do), you'd think he was doing it just to make you believe it and you'd still have doubts. So he can't win.
You have this idea in your head and now you're seeking proof to validate it.
Accept his friendship, get to know him better and let anything more develop if it's going to. Right now you're thinking he's bi and you're wanting him to prove you right so you can satisfy yourself that you were right about him all along.
Why not just give him the benefit of the doubt?
"As long as he is straight, he has the right to decide whatever he wants to do." What the heck does that mean??
I think what you have to realise is that you really do have to relax. Recognise that your insecurities are YOURS and they're not anything to do with him. BUT you're projecting those insecurities onto him ('he could be gay' etc).
You have to work out what it is within YOU that is making you this way. Where are your insecurities coming from? What are your fears? If you continue to make them into something that's about him ('he could be gay or bi and I should be worried'), then he'll start to feel as though he's doing something wrong and the last thing you want is for the person you like to be uncomfortable around you.
"I always worry if he is going to call or email after we had good time." Leave it up to the universe. If he's gonna call, he's gonna call. You can't control his behaviour, but you can control your thoughts. Just let it be.
Understand that it's a CHOICE to be stressed or not. You CAN make a conscious effort to change your way of thinking, if you want to.
Counselling could be good for you too. Sometimes an objective person makes recognising and dealing with our fears/insecurities a whole lot easier.
Eve :-)