Getting back into the dating game...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Getting back into the dating game...
3
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 3:57pm

Hello. I took myself off the dating market about a year and a half ago to fix myself. I wasn't happy with my life and there was a great deal of change. I wanted to be happy before going into another relationship. For a few months, I've been prepared but my life has changed drastically. I used to love clubs, parties and social events, but I don't anymore. I don't drink at all anymore. I don't smoke. Being in loud, crowded places = not my idea of fun. I really enjoy solitude and being in the company of a few people now. I've forced myself to go to parties to "get out more" and "meet people," but I just ended up miserable and being out there drained me physically and mentally. It's not fun anymore. I have no desire to drink and I certainly don't want my peers who are drinking to treat me inappropriately (groping, unwelcome affection of any sort, etc).

I'm happy with who I am now. How do I go about meeting men now that my lifestyle has changed?

I should also mention that I'm a graduate student, I'm younger than most of my peers and the social scene is pretty much just drinking. I'm also Black. There aren't very many African-American students and those that are around seem to have no interest in dating me which I'm accepting more and more due to my experiences. I've only been in interracial relationships and that's fine with me though my family would much prefer a Black man. Any novel ideas on meeting meeting meeting men? My hobbies and interests (ballet, pilates, veg and vegan cooking, reading groups, and Anglican/Episcopal church) don't exactly appeal to very many men my age.

"Withdraw into yourself and look; and if you do not find yourself beautiful as yet, do as does the sculptor of a statue. Cut away all that is excessive, straighten all that is crooked, bring light to all that is shadowed. Do not cease until there shall sh
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 4:08pm
I would think your only option at this point is to try to attend as many events, clubs, conferences, etc, in your university as you can (especially if you happen to be in NHaven, speculating on your username, as it is a really small place), and connect with other grad students. I think meeting somebody nice in that context should not be too difficult, if you have common interests--try to focus on finding out what interests you, what kind of activities (politicial activism, volunteering, various free lecture series and symposiums at the university) and you should meet like minded people.


Edited 6/19/2006 10:06 am ET by pimbiroo
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Sun, 06-18-2006 - 1:45pm

I agree with the previous post.

I just wanted to add, congrats on taking the time to fix yourself! A lot of men & women should do that and don't, I applaud anyone who makes the effort to improve themselves however they feel they need to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 6:09am

sims_at_yale...

First...CONGRATULATIONS for getting back into the dating game! Pianoguy admires the fact that you took a little time off in order to sort things out in "the social department!"

Having said this...I'd like to offer a few thoughts:

With the number of hobbies and interests you have...even though some of them are clearly feminine...don't rule out men when it comes to veg and vegan cooking. I've worked with professional chefs who prefer a vegetarian cuisine over meat and potatoes...AND THEY LOVE WOMEN TOO!

There are many men out there who aren't fond of alcohol...perhaps with the exception of an occasional glass of wine (with dinner)? And just because someone might drink, that's not a reason that YOU have to.

Seems like the biggest issue you have to address is: ARE YOU DATING FOR YOURSELF OR FOR MEMBERS OF YOUR FAMILY? While they're entitled to their preferences...YOU'RE THE ONE who gets to make the choice! Once you find the man you're comfortable being with, it's THEIR HANGUP if they can't accept him!

Use your reading skills, hobbies, church background, do a little volunteer work and seek out others with similar interests! The more you "network yourself"---the stronger the possibilities of finding yourself a good, solid life partner!

Best wishes and warm thoughts...

Pianoguy