Getting back the love of my life
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Getting back the love of my life
| Mon, 10-04-2004 - 4:39pm |
I've never posted a message before but I am very interested in hearing a 3rd party opinion on my situation. I met my love a couple of years ago and love was immediate for both of us. The connection was undeniable. We talked about being together forever within a month. We had a great intimacy, we were each others best friends, our conversations beautiful, enjoyed the same things. He was the most romantic, loving, most nonjudgemental man I've ever know -and so so loaded with integrity. The problem was, my last realtionship was a very brief marriage that broke up after 5 months b/c my ex-husband one day became enraged and physically abused me. I left that day and never looked back. Unfortunately, the scars never left. Sadly, in this next relationship I was searching for perfection - afraid to let the littlest things slip by and be fooled again as I had been in my marriage. Our relationship was further complicated by the fact that we were long distance. I should have moved to be with him. But tragically instead, I broke up with this wonderful man over very petty reasons. Ironically, I know that we needed this break up for me to understand just how much we were meant to be together. I broke up a recent relationship after 9 months because I have recently realized I never stopped loving him, that he is the love of my life, and I need to get him back. Problem is, he lives across the country and is in love and happy with another woman. We've been talking for the past couple of months - me telling him about the mistakes I made letting him go, how I feel with every fiber of my being we are meant to be together. He was decidedly undecided about what to do - very shocked as well at this turn of events. He told me how hard it was to move on from me, that it actually took counseling, but he finally "came out of the hole" that he was living in. It came down to a phone call last week, a very intense, sad conversation in which I basically asked for an answer..I pushed him. And in so many words he told me he is happy and that he has moved on. However, he also said nothing is 100%, asked me to "chill out" and in so many words (If I read him correctly) he proposed that I ride this "current relationship" out, he also said he would like to see me sometime soon. I'm not sure even he was aware of these subtle little ambiguities he was putting out there. My gut, my instinct tells me to hang in there, wait this relationship out and he will realize, as I have, that we are the loves of each others lives and come back to me as I have to him. I am 29 years old, pretty, smart, fun a great catch. While I don't want to jeopardize my happiness I think he's definitely worth the wait - afterall look at what I put him through. I just need to know if you think I should? How to I cope in the meantime? Do I remain "friends" with him? How do i let him know, without bothering his life, tha I'm still here. Please help me.
I read your column all the time and I'm so impressed by the advice you give. I would appreciate it GREATLY if you could let me know your advice.
Sincerely,
Jennie Flor

Stay in touch with him, and thats it. I would only suggest email or occasional 'light' phone calls that HE initiates. Tell him you do not want to interfere with his relationship.
Its complicated, because you two do have a distance between you, so that can make things harder. Bottom line is he is involved with another, etc. You have NO CHOICE but to wait it out.
Good luck- get busy doing other things