getting beyond platonic

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
getting beyond platonic
10
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 2:34am

I met this guy more than a month ago. We hit it off and we started getting together. Last three weekends we've gone out. During the week he instant messages every morning after we both get to work and we catch up. Sometimes he phones me in the evening. We've gone out to lunch a few times and gotten together for drinks during the week. I like him. His company makes me happy.

The only thing is that he hardly touches me. He pecks me on the lips after a date, but it might as well be on the cheek. He might hold my elbow so I won't fall when there is no pavement, but he doesn't do anything else. Does this mean he is not interested in me or is he being over-respectful or what? Can you suggest what I can do that will make him less "respecful" but not stop respecting me? I don't want him to think I'm a slut.

Should I just wait until he is ready or is there some way to give him the hint that I am ready for more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 9:15am
You guys need to talk. Either that or you need to get a bit more aggressive in the PDA department.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:30pm
How about the next time the two of you are walking somewhere, perhaps at the end of the evening when you're returning to the car, you take his hand. It's not TOO forward, and it may work as a subtle nudge.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 7:22pm

Tell him you need a good HUG.
Get yourself a nice full body hug.
Hugs can communicate all sorts of things and you can learn soooo much and ....its just a hug.
Just melt into his arms. Smell him and you let him smell you.
If he smells bad you can back off it was just a hug. LOL
He will get the idea its ok to really touch you and go a little further.
If you do it long enough you just might find out if he likes it a lot. LOL

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 10:52am
You have a good idea if the guy wants to hug, but maybe he isn't ready. I would not want to reach out to hug and have him stiffen his body up. He may get the wrong idea, too. I'm not trying to jump into bed with him I only think he should be a little more physical right around now, if he is really interested. Maybe he's gay or something?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 10:56am

Well, I did that yesterday night, but nothing happened. He held my hand until we got to the car, but he didn't squeeze it or anything. I have also been touching him a little in conversation--like I'll pat his forearm to get his attention when I'm going to make a point. He smiles down at me, but doesn't seem real excited if you know what I mean.

I don't want the guy to overcome me with passion, but maybe a hug?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 9:16pm
Since he didn't balk at the hand holding maybe a hug would work. I'm in the same situation as you are. I hug him goodbye everytime we go out. I have since the first date and now he kinda waits for it (actually watching him wait for his hug is really cute). But I still have no clue about his feelings beyond that because other than the goodbye hug things are totally non-physical. I guess maybe I'm just really bad at flirting? I think I will try the hand-holding next time. How about I update you on my progress and vice versa? lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:09pm

Has he discussed past relationships and philosophies abuot love and sex. Has he acted like he is attracted to you. Have you tried to give more than a peck and what was his reaction?

You can always do the tried and true come over for dinner and DVDS and maybe snuggling?

,
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 6:52pm

Hi cutiepy,

Not much progress yet. We now hold hands, but I'm getting impatient. I thought the man was supposed to be the sexually aggressive one. I did sort of hug him hello when he came to pick me up for a date on Friday, and he didn't pull back, but he didn't really get into the hug either.

How goes it for you? (What is it with these guys anyway?)

Mame

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 7:04pm

He talks about relationships but not about physical things. He holds my hand now, sort of. The first time he took my hand I squeezed it affectionately. He almost let go.

I hugged him hello on Friday. He seemed a little startled so I am not sure what would happen if I moved my lips when he was pecking me on the lips or ... what? I'm not all that experienced. I was married for years and years and before that I was practically a virgin when I married.

This is crazy. Men are supposed to want sex. I don't want to seduce him. He might think I was a bad woman or something.

Should I ask him if he really cares about me? I am afraid that if I bring it out into the open he will get upset and leave.

Mame

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 8:10pm

Hi Mame,

No luck at all here. We went out last weekend, as usual there were no signs. He finished off the date with a "I'll call you again sometime." (bleah) It's been a week now and I haven't heard from him. I invited him to join myself and a few friends for drinks on Saturday (yesterday), but I just left a message. I'm pretty much throwing in the towel. I've never been very good at letting guys I like just go, but I don't really have a choice do I?

I'd still like to keep up with how things are going with you though!

Helen