Getting Over Insecurity!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Getting Over Insecurity!!
3
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 8:38pm

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year (but have known him for 5 years), and we've been living together for 5 months. We are both in our early 30s. We are very much in love. The problem is, I have insecurity and trust issues left over from 2 previous relationships. I want to be totally clear here that I have no reason to be suspicious of my current BF.

Complicating matters, a woman with whom my BF had a brief fling a few years ago just refuses to let go! Every once in a while she'll turn up at his favorite hangout, or send him a text message, an email, etc. He has told her it's over, he's ignored her messages, he's told her about me, but she pays no mind. She even showed up recently at his grandfather's wake and funeral services!!

There's not much more he can do about her, but I'm really hung up on it. It's to the point that I'll go out sometimes even when I don't feel like it, just to see if she's going to show up. I try to control things that I can't, and it's causing issues with us and making me very unhappy inside. How can I learn to cope???




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 2:24pm

It's great that you recognize these are your issues, not stemming from actions of your boyfriend. You definitely don't want to sabotague a good relationship. More important, you don't want to walk around unhappy. It sounds like you could benefit from some sessions with a shrink. It's not a sign of weakness but strength to recognize you need help and to seek it out.


Best of luck.


Sherry

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 8:35pm
Your boyfriend has done all he can short of putting an RO on this lady. Your insecurities are going to eat you alive. I would suggest you get some counseling because this is probably stemming from issues in your past.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 12:02am
Thanks to both of you for responding. Your answers have provided confirmation of what I think I already knew deep down... you know how that goes. I do give my BF a lot of credit for being supportive and patient. In the mean time I am looking into counseling options. Thank you!



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