GF who doesnt know what she wants ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2003
GF who doesnt know what she wants ?
2
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:41pm
Hello everyone:

I have been dating a girl for about 7 months now. We are trying to make it a long term relationship. We get along really well and we really love each other. However i am a little confused at this point of time.

I am 26, I have got my Masters and working at a university. My gf is 19 and she is going to a community college. When i met her she told me that she was going to be a doctor and she was still in college and working for her associates. I was interested in her because she seemed to have goals and seemed very mature for her age. She also works part time as a customer sales rep.

After 7 months, she is not sure what she wants to be and is still taking the general courses in college and working part time at the same place. I really want someone who has goals, ambition and would want to pursue a career and know what they want in life. The fact that she is still undecided about her future and i also feel that she is not taking it seriously. Recently she has met this family through one of her friends who is talking her into getting into this business. Its called the Independent Business Owner (IBO), I dont know if you guys know about it but its a basically a network based business where you go find people to sign up under you and then you form this big chain of people under you and you make money by getting more people to sign up.

I attended this seminar about it with this family and my gf and i feel its a big brainwash deal. They go about asking you to see video tapes and reading their books...etc. They ask you to attend every seminar that they have and you pay money to attend them. The thing is that it seems like a scam and you have to pay money to sign up. The problem is that my gf doesnt see it the way i do and she wants to try it out. I really dont know much about it myself and i am very skeptical about it. And it is not something that i would want to do in life. It just seems for someone who have nothing else in life to do or whatever. Its like those groups that go around in town with bunch of books trying to convince people to get into it. They claim that people have made tons of money doing it and blah blah. It is definitely not something that she wants to do but is doing it thinking of the money. I am sure it has worked for a few people but i personally dont want her to get into.



My problem is that i dont know how to go about discussing my concerns with her, I tried to explain my concerns and she thinks i am being negative. I really dont know what to do about it. I dont know if i should let her know that i am lookin for someone that is goal oriented and want her to see where i am coming from.

I honestly dont think i will be happy if she got into it and left her education. I feel that everything between us is great and want to make it work but it seems very difficult for me to see her try different things and get the feeling that eventually might end up being nothing after a while.

Can you guys please suggest ideas to deal with this situation. And do you guys think that my concerns are reasonable and if so how do i go about it.

I am sorry about the long message but any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks

Joe


Thanks.





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:03pm
You cannot convince her to do anything - but do a google search on "multi level marketing" and show her the literature on these MLM scams - I refused to date a man who is a millionaire or more because he is involved in one of those things.

Look, she is 19 - many 19 year olds jump around as to what they want to do with their lives, career-wise - it is normal. If you want someone more on a solid career path date someone your own age or a little older. At 19 I declared a double major in college, did not work outside of college so I could focus on my studies and basically knew I wanted to teach elementary school and then go to law school, which is what I did - but I was unusual in knowing what I wanted and really going for it. I would never - ever - have been susceptible to dropping out of college for a get rich quick scam or scheme - and my parents would never have permitted it. Get her the internet literature, explain that she will make money by signing people up who probably don't have the money to sign up - she is not providing a service to anyone and most of the money will go to her employers.

That is all you should do - show her the literature and the rest is up to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 3:26pm
You said you want someone with ambition and goals, and this girl doesn't have those. At least not yet. She probably will have them down the road, when she is closer the place in life you are right now. I think the differences you are experiencing are differences due to age and maturity level. Only you can decide if you are okay with that.

If it were me, I'd look at it and say she's only 19, she hasn't fully discovered herself yet and she's not really ready to settle down. At 26, you are probably getting ready to settle down. At some point she'll probably realize that she has some more living to do on her own before she can do that, and move on.

And that job is no job, just a scam as you suspect. There are always a few big winners adn lots of loosers in the end.

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