A Girl That Needs Closure !!HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
A Girl That Needs Closure !!HELP!!!
7
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:59pm
SO what do you do When A person you have been with for 3 years dumps you cause he says your needy and cant handle your life? After you got laid off ...

Then any conversations after the breakup are horrible ? Meaning He acts like I did something when I have done nothing?? I am treated like I ruined his life and I broke up with him!

Can someone answer me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 6:50am
The first thing you can do is stop talking to him. Cease all contact, if you two are broken up then there is no need to talk.

If someone is making you feel badly when they talk to you, then why continue talking to him. He has his reasons for breaking up with you, no matter if you agree with them or not.

Next time he calls say "You broke up with me I'd appreciate it if you stop calling now"

Continuing to take his phone calls and listen to his excuses and reasons is only hurting you so break the cycle and don't put yourself in that predicament anymore. You show people how to treat you, if you continue to allow this behavior he'll keep doing it.

Closure is something you give yourself, you don't get it from anyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 4:57pm
Give yourself closure telling yourself that this guy wasn't honest enough to tell you that he thought you were needy and couldn't handle your life before you got laid off. Noone dumps anyone just for getting laid off. This guy had thought about these issues but didn't tell you. If this was dating, imagine married.. Don't allow yourself to get in these terrible conversations, simply stop all contact. You don't need someone to offend you, you need time to look for another job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 5:29pm
It sounds like that your life is in disarray and choas and upheaval and lacking in success and security according ot his definition and opinion - so he broke up with you.

You're saying that you got laid off (not your fault but it still means you must do something in regard to finding another job obviously) and you continue to call him...for waht? Support, comfort.

And he's being rude or withdrawn and unavailable....why? Because he told you that your life is a mess according to him, and he broke up with you becausehe oesn't respect or admire how you conduct your life. You're calling him telling him how horrible your life is - he already KNOWS that better than you - and he already knows he can't fix and has indicated he wants no part of it whatsoever.

he's not "treating you mean because of the breakup" - he's sick and tired of being the shoulder you cry on and the comfort that you rely on. And he broke up with you because of that, and he is probably now completely shocked that you stll consider him to someone that you can vent to, cry to, complain to or rely on in any way.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 9:00am
It's nice to have a support system in place when you feel like your life is in chaos. Perhaps you are holding on to him because if you let him go, what will you have? You don't have a job, so that foundation is gone... if you let this guy go, then what?

Do you have anyone else to talk to, like a parent, a sibling, a friend? I suggest that you let him go, stop all contact, and reach out to other people. A church or some sort of spiritual guidance might be helpful. You could also journal or meditate.

Through reaching out to others, you just might find another job. It does not sound like your ex is helping you to feel safe, much less helping you with your job search.

At the very least, take care of yourself.

A~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:28pm
I think I may have worded this incorrectly .. I have been able to pick my self up from all this .. I have a job and have tried to move on I don't talk to him anymore..

Closure is a big thing that lingers I still have resentment and anger towards him for the way he chose to end the relationship he did it over the phone and didnt tell me why I heard about it from his sister..

I know I will never get the closure I deserve but still It bothers me sometimes..I guess that is what my question is .. how do you get closure for yourself nowing you'll never get it from the person that hurt you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:32pm
I think i went all wrong on the way that I may have said all this..

I don't talk to him anymore I guess I was talking about past on how he

talked to me and wondering how someone can be so cruel it's been 6 months

and I have picked myself up the closure that I want is for me to do only

I know he will never do it for me he doesnt think he did anything wrong..

I love your name by the way.. When we first brokeup I was Like when is

this jerk gonna get his karma but I am past that .. he will get it one day

for everything he has put me thru and believe me it was alot !! thanks for the words..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 9:37pm
Hmm No that wasnt the case I had to talk to him cause we had bills and other things together I never went to him and cried about anything I am big girl I don't need his shoulder to cry on and That is not why I called him if anything he was always the one harassing me to give him money for the bills and if he would of been patient and stopped comparing me to all the messed up women in his life he would of seen that..

I have picked my self up without him I have a job now I guess what I was mainly getting at before all this is how a man can be so cruel to a woman that did everything for him ..

The closure I need I know will never be from him it is what I need to do for myself to get thru this forget all my anger and resentment towards him and move on!