Giving him a key to your place???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Giving him a key to your place???
23
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 1:14pm
How long would/should one wait to give their boyfriend/girlfriend a key to their place? How soon is too soon, etc. I'm considering this, but for some reason thought maybe there should be a time table for something so big. It is a big deal right? Just curious! Any insight would be greatly appreciated :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 1:40pm
I think it all depends on the depth of the relationship with your boyfriend. After 6 months of my boyfriend and I spending almost every night together, we decided to hand over our extra keys. A great deal of trust is present in our relationship, so it wasn't really a question of "if" we felt comfortable with the idea.

My boyfriend doesn't work a normal 8-5 schedule, so there are many days when he doesn't rush off to work in the mornings like I do. Him having a key makes it possible for him to walk my dog for me or clean up around the house (of course he chooses to do those things on his own).

I don't think there is a specific guideline or time frame to follow. Just make sure you feel completely comfortable before giving him a key to your home.

http://babynamey.com/b/mjwha7chjfjey7ddn5wws3thebzw633oef6donrqgmyts7d4.png

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 4:07pm
My guy got a key to my place after about 8 months of dating. He spends every weekend here, and due to certain circumstances I needed to get new locks. He went with me to buy them, helped me install them, and when it was time for him to head home that weekend, I handed him one on his way out the door to go home. He didn't say much, just added it to his key ring, gave me a kiss and went home.

I don't have one to his house.... he doesn't lock it. Actually, I'm not even sure he has a key to his own house!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 4:12pm
There is no set timetable or rule. It totally depends on the people involved and their circumstances. My husband and I were very close from the beginning of our dating relationship (and still are), but even at the point we became engaged and began living together 2 yrs into it, we hadn't given one another our house keys. Not for lack of trust, but b/c there just was no need -- we were either together or there was never a circumstance when one of us needed to be at the other's place without the other one being there. I would consider this as a big deal, yes. I would certainly have to know the person very well and for a long period of time before doing so. That's just me. If you have ANY reservations or doubts about doing it....don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 12:27am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 5:09pm

Hello mindyourstep!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:07am
Hi there

Thanks for all your opinions.

I have known my bf for about 3 years, but we have only been dating going on 6 months. We see each other at least 3 times a week, sometimes more. It just depends on our work schedules. We talk on the phone every day and we do introduce each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Sometimes my bf makes comments that imply a forward moving relationship. Not sure if he is 'joking' at the time, but he definitely makes comments about moving in with me and a few times the phrase "If we got married...." has come up. I'm not holding my breath at this point or getting anxious. I'm just enjoying what we have right now. He doesn't spend too much time at my place and we are always there at the same time. I dont have a key to his place, he is staying with his parents currently.

I do trust him after knowing him as a friend, as a bit more than a friend, and now as his girlfriend. So I did give him a key about two weeks ago. I didn't make it a big production, I have two extra keys and I asked him which one he wanted...different size heads, He picked one and I put it on his key ring. A little later I said "I gave you a key." and he said "yes you did, thank you." He's been to my house since, but has not used the key. He will still ring the door bell.

My reasons for giving him a key? well there were times when we would meet somewhere for dinner and head to my house. If he beat me there, he'd have to wait on me to get there before he can go in. Also the way my locks are right now, I have to lock the door after people. So if he stays over late or leaves early in the morning, I have to get up and lock the door after him. Now he can lock it whenever. I did mention that, and he was kind of shocked and asked if that was the only reason I gave him a key. (He wasn't upset, he was laughing about it but still wondered) Noooo, but it is one of the reasons. I also want him to know that I trust him and he is welcome in my house. I've meet a good deal of his family, but haven't introduced him to any of mine yet. That's a whole other story and I feel a little bad about that, so I want to make sure he knows I am serious about him. Thanks again for all the insight!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:21am
At the time he gave me a key about 4 months into our relationship so that I could come and go as I pleased. He works crazy hours (is a cop) so there were times I was visiting on the weekends and would leave a hour or so after him and I needed to lock up.

However, I waited about 6 months to do the same b/c it was a huge deal to me. In fact I think I gave him a card that said here is a key for you with heart around the keys taped in the card. It was a cute gesture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:15am

I was very interested in your post, and the responses you received, because I have been wondering the same thing, lately.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:59am
I do feel comfortable with him having my key. Since he still rings the doorbell or knocks when he gets to my house, it seems like he doesn't really plan to use it unless absolutely necessary. I figure if and when he starts to stay over more and has more of his things at my house, he might use the key. Right now there is nothing at my house he would have to use while I'm not there. You do have to feel comfortable and trust the person to give out a key.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:20pm

No, I don't have a problem

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