Glimpses of love for a friend
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Glimpses of love for a friend
| Sun, 08-08-2004 - 2:00pm |
Hi. I am getting kind of frustrated by the flucuation of my romantic feelings. I usually do not have deep feelings for the hottest guys physically, usually it is that internal qualities such as intelligence, caring nature, sexy voice that really turn me on making me hot for them phyically. When I feel strong romantic, physical attraction for a particular man that is my friend I feel so happy and hopeful, because I always wanted to fall in *love* and get married one day. But I can hang out with the same man at another time and feel nothing magical, feeling more so like friends. I have had feelings for him since January. He also lives 2 hours away and we rarely spend any time together outside our group of friends. So, my question is this, when you are in love with a person, is it normal for feelings to flucuate? And, do those feelings need to be fed? I was told that when you are in love, you'll just know...and at those times i really feel like i am in love, not just in lust...but other times when I don't really feel anything, i wonder and then question my previous loving feelings and test their authenicity in my head. I was told my a mutual friend that she had a serious discussion with him several months ago, and he told her that he was interested in me, but he never told me.

after discussing your post with a bunch of girlfriends, we came up with a list of questions to determine weather you're in love or "in lust".
these are things that usually happen when you're in love with someone who's a friend (which is kind of like what I am right now).
1)do you catch yourself thinking about him more than you would normally?
2)when you're with other friends (not him or his friends), do you mention him or funny things he said... etc.?
3)when you're with him & a bunch of other frinds, do you ever wish they'd leave the two of you alone?
4)do you notice all the little things he does (like touching you by accident)?
5)do you concider those things (from question 4) "signs" of him liking you more than he's willing to admit?
6)can you imagine being his girlfriend in 5 years from now? & does it sound good to you?
7)do you ever have the urge to to call him, just to say "hi", or to talk about stuff that doesn't really matter?
8)do you feel like you can tell him your secrets?
9)do you feel excited & happy when you hear from other people that he might be interested?
10)would kissing him be a good idea, anytime, any place?
so, if more than 7 answers are yes- you'd be in love, in my book.
in any case, it's normal for feelings to flucuate. especially if this is the first time you've ever had that kind of feelings. & yes, feelings do need to be fed. if you don't get any "signs" that he wants you as much, you might get over it.
By the way, the saying "when you're in love, you'll just know" , is only true for movies, & romance novels. in real life, you often don't "just know"! because knowing comes from experience.
best of luck!!
Annabelle.
--yes, i imagine that i am with him a lot. but not all the time.
2)when you're with other friends (not him or his friends), do you mention him or funny things he said... etc.?
--yes, when i am around people that i think would want to listen.
3)when you're with him & a bunch of other frinds, do you ever wish they'd leave the two of you alone?
--yes! we have a bunch of mutual friends that we hang out with. he lives 3 hours away and when he does come by for the weekend, we are usually with everybody else, may be part of the reason why my feelings for him aren't so hot for him all the time.
4)do you notice all the little things he does (like touching you by accident)?
--yes, he is a very affectionate person. when we hug, for example, more so when nobody else is around, as we leave our embrace, he will run his fingers up my arm and end delicately for a few seconds in my hand. i don't think that he does this with anyone else.
5)do you concider those things (from question 4) "signs" of him liking you more than he's willing to admit?
--yes, and a mutual friend of ours, told me that she had a serious talk with him several months ago, and he said that he liked me but i don't know if his feelings changed or not.
6)can you imagine being his girlfriend in 5 years from now? & does it sound good to you?
--yes, as long as i know that i am in love with him and he feels the same for me. he seems like would make a fabulous husband, on so many levels, but i would have to get to know him better on a personal level to be sure to to really bond with him.
7)do you ever have the urge to to call him, just to say "hi", or to talk about stuff that doesn't really matter?
--yes, but i don't call him often because he doesn't call me (he is working on his masters degree and he doesn't really call any girls, i don't think) i don't push myself on others. i would have to know that he wants me to call him, before i call him. but when we do talk, we typically stay on for a while. but don't talk enough to really delve into real personal stuff.
8)do you feel like you can tell him your secrets?
--i don't know, as long as he would still accept me i would.
9)do you feel excited & happy when you hear from other people that he might be interested?
--yes. when i talked to our mutual friend about him once, she could tell.
10)would kissing him be a good idea, anytime, any place?
--as long as we were alone, and romantic. like, i would not spontaniously kiss him in the middle of church, but maybe that was a ridiculous example.