going back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
going back?
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 8:57am

My ex boyfriend and I broke up 5 years ago when I was 27 and he 30 years old. I was a late in maturing and was totally not ready for marriage at that time. We have remained friends through all this time and still have an amazing connection.

Over the past 5 years I have met, dated and slept with a few men. All of whom fell off the bus - one lasted a year, the others only a few/couple of months. I am 32 years old now and am ready for marriage and babies. And my thoughts keep taking me back to my ex. He has never stopped loving me and tried to get back with me many times to no avail. I was simply not ready for him and didn't want to make promises I wasn't sure I could keep.

I have realised after MUCH soul searching and trying to determine what I want that the reason I have not been able to move on is because my ex is always with me. Not physically but always at the back of my mind...

I called him today to express my feelings just to let him know how I had come to this conclusion. He was extremely loving and understanding and mentioned many times that he still loves me - in fact he has never stopped loving me. I didn't understand why I felt he was holding me back until I realised that I had never stopped loving him either.

He lives about 1400kms away now and is living with his girlfriend whom he loves. However, he did say that he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me. I have not asked him to leave her or to marry me, I just wanted him to know how I felt. He has told me before that he will not marry until I did in case things changed before that...

I have no expectations from him and would not expect him to drop everything for me, but has anyone out there experienced something similar and if so, what were the outcomes?