Going back to friendship after breakup..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Going back to friendship after breakup..
2
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:04pm
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. Before going out, we were good friends for about two years. Then we started dating and fell in love with one another (my first time in love). During the breakup he said that he still feels the same way about me and still loves me, but he wants to try to go back to being friends. He also added that this didnt mean that we weren't going to get back together in the future. I just don't know what to think about the whole situation, especially because im still so in love with him. And how do we go back to being friends without things getting complicated? I would love it if we both decided that being friends would be the best decision, but i wouldnt be able to handle not being his friend or girlfriend, I need him in my life. If anyone has any comments or advice, let me know. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 2:22pm
I honestly don't see you being able to go back to JUST being friends for the time being. I think you will have to get some distance between you for the overwhelming emotions to wear off and you can clear you heart and mind. If you were to jump into being friends and he began dating someone else, you would be heart broken at this point. So distance for a bit would be cleansing.

I wish you all the strength you need to get through this. But be honest with him that you need time to heal before you can be friends. You don't want to just pretend things are all hunky dory and be a mess. If he honeslty wants to rebuild a friendship with you, he will respect what you ask of him to ensure it happens.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 11:54am
**hugs, hugs**

my heart goes out to you. just a year ago i was in your shoes - also was best friends with the guy before falling in love with him, everything was awesome, then fell apart and he suggested friendship instead.just a year ago i was on this site, seeking advice, heartbroken by his words and attitude. now, i will advise you to do what i was advised and have done, because it worked for real.

here's my story:

we ended it on great terms and he said he needs me in his life, that we couldn't just stop communicating and should stay friends. i hated the idea of losing him but couldn't imagine friendship at that point. so i asked for time out. no contact whatsoever. i used that time to heal (god,i was heartBROKEN), to connect with my friends, to devote time for myself - my interests,needs,wants. healing was very very slow but i was determined to get over him. he made lots of attempts during those 10 months to get in touch with me, in some ways to manipulate me (told my best friend that he is dating,etc) but i wasn't ready to face him again. slowly i moved on. in august i finally managed to get out of country (before i hated the idea of traveling without him) and spent 3 weeks in a wonderful place south france. met a great guy there, dated him. only a week but it got me back and helped me to completely get over my ex. it's already a month that him (ex) and i are back in touch - i wrote him saying that i'm ready for our friendship. and i'm truly happy without him, having him just friend in my life. crazy, if someone told me a year ago i'd feel this way, i would NEVER believe. all our love, feelings. it's past. i saw that we broke up for a reason and there are so many truly great guys out there. i'm back to the dating scene and truly enjoy my life

now, sorry for this rather long e-mail. just thought that it might help you to see that it is possible to move on, but you need to cut him out of your life for some time and learn to live without him. trust me, it is possible. there will come a day when you will not think of him at all and just have warm feelings, like to a good friend. and you'll meet another guy, who will make you happy. i speak from experience...

i know that at this point you are too hurt to accept it all and my words can not land well with you. but it only takes time and patience

please let me know if you need more support

Nara narg56@yahoo.com