Going out has become a nightmare.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Going out has become a nightmare.
19
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 3:24am
It is always the same. I am so so so tired of it.

first the guys are really behind me, calling me, sending me gifts, invitation, standing infront my house and my work to surprise me and sometimes it leads to more (dates,..) and than manybe more(kisses,..) many say they love me (ha ha)... until!! we had sex, than someone of us brings up the topic of 'being together' than they tell me they dont want to be my boyfriend. Most to all of them said open that they just want to meet from time to time and sleep with me but not have a relationship with me.

I am so tired of this! And I am so hurt. I think I will never go out with a man again in my life. I am tired of dateing!!! because this happens EVERYTIME I meet a guy.

It has been like this ever since I broke up with my only long time relationship many years ago.I am in my late 20's now and I have collected more 'experience' than I ever wanted to have.

I dont want a sexaffair but I can not find a man who takes me for anything else. I am so frustrated I dont go out to meet guys but wherever I am they hit on me! Which would be nice if I would knew at least one of them would take me for real...

There is one man he spends all his time telling me how much he cares for me and likes me. I like thim too but I dont want to be dissapointed. I think he is telling me all this in order to get a chance to sleep with me like all the others did. So I dont even want to give him a chance, or even meet him! I am afraid of meeting him because he will only hurt me. We used to be 'friends', but he recently found I am attractive. Some time ago I had an affair with a 'best friend' I thought he would like me but he just told me he does not want me as a girlfriend, he wants to be my friend and sleep with me ocasionally. After many years of friendship. This really broke my heart. I knew him for 10 years and now I dont even want him as a friend anymore. He is just one more man in the long line of loosers. I am afraid that my other friend will end up the same way if I give this a chance. So I dont.

I am a model, I have a job and I study, but can not seem to find one single man on this planet that takes me serious! Why is that?!.

I am afraid to go out with a guy again because I think he will not take me serious. Rightnow I have around 5 guys that are hitting on me very obviously every day. My friends make fun of it and call the *a star*..they dont know how much it hurts not being taken serious. Even if I like one or two of the guys that are hitting on me I am so hurt, I dont want to take any chances anymore.

On the other hand I would really like to have a boyfriend.Someone that cares for me more than just my appearance and my achievements.:(

And I guess you are sitting at home now reading this and wondering 'What is her problem? She's got all the choice, why is she complaining?' Well, because I am a human being with feelings. And people/man step on my feelings.

:(

sorry, I had to get this off my chest somewhere....

Stell.

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Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 5:16am
If you want to be taken seriously, act seriously. Date, enjoy yourself, and make it clear that the relationship, commitment, exclusivity must exist first...BEFORE having sex. Right now, you are, as I just said in a post to someone else, giving to get. Having sex in hopes that it becomes a real relationship. Have the real relationship first and THEN proceed to sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 5:23am
There's only one thing I see that you're doing "wrong:" You're not setting expectations up *before* you sleep with them.

A lot of people (men and women) are all about the chase but once they get the person, interest wanes. Establish what you want upfront, before it gets too physical. Take your time, go slow--there's no rush to have sex. See if the guy you like sticks around without having sex and go from there. Build on the friendship first.

Be responsible for what you want, take a stand for it and I have a feeling things will start turning out differently for you.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:21am
It's simple

!. Watch the feet not the lips, over a period of at least three months or more

2. Don't have sex before that time and not without a commitment and exclusivity and caring if not love -

3. Please get over yourself - look around you - most couples do not look like models - most women do not look like models - I do not look like a model but I treat myself with respect and caring in a relationship and expect to be treated that way by the other person - and generally speaking I am treated very nicely. However, I don't believe I am entitled to that treatment because I'm cute/pretty. Sure, it doesn't hurt to look like a model - but for me - I won't date a guy who looks like a model unless we've been friends first for a loooongg time and even then - I want someone at about my level of attractiveness (or less so long as I am attracted to him) so that I don't need to feel at all insecure about a disparity - that's just me - my "button" - but it shows that not everyone goes for the "best looking."

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 9:52am

I agree with the jist of all the other posts:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 10:10am
Hmmm...

In your 20's and see the big picture enough to know what you want(relationship?)..

Impressive, especially for someone in your line of work and given the choices that you obviously have.

The advice already given is sage. I like the feet and the lips comment. These guys apparently can talk the talk, but can they walk the walk? seems like not.

Here is something that hasn't been said yet, but should move to the top of your list:

Date M-E-N, not B-O-Y-S.

If you need some examples of this, i'm sure the board members can help you out.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 10:26am
How about waiting to have sex with them until they come out and say they want an exclusive relationship? If you have sex with them right away, of course they will only want that. If you date them for a while without the sex, they'll see you for who you are. Chances are whoever you're seeing will fall for you and want to be with you - and he'll say so. Wait until you know that before you sleep with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 10:26am
NWW--

good suggestion to our young model friend, however from a guy's perspective, if I was interested in someone and she turned me down without leaving some sort of opening I don't think i'd keep pursuing her. Just a guy's perspective though.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 10:35am

Okayyyy....that's the result she wants here, so this is a bad thing...why???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 10:43am
I musta mis-read it. Sounded to me like she should turn guys down for 2-3 months and the guys who could somehow keep asking her after that many rejections would obviously have better intentions.

I think the most i've ever asked someone is 3 times and she said no each time so I didn't go for a 4th.

Model girl? are you listening to all this?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 11:17am

Oh, goodness no!

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