Going out has become a nightmare.
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| Thu, 04-01-2004 - 3:24am |
first the guys are really behind me, calling me, sending me gifts, invitation, standing infront my house and my work to surprise me and sometimes it leads to more (dates,..) and than manybe more(kisses,..) many say they love me (ha ha)... until!! we had sex, than someone of us brings up the topic of 'being together' than they tell me they dont want to be my boyfriend. Most to all of them said open that they just want to meet from time to time and sleep with me but not have a relationship with me.
I am so tired of this! And I am so hurt. I think I will never go out with a man again in my life. I am tired of dateing!!! because this happens EVERYTIME I meet a guy.
It has been like this ever since I broke up with my only long time relationship many years ago.I am in my late 20's now and I have collected more 'experience' than I ever wanted to have.
I dont want a sexaffair but I can not find a man who takes me for anything else. I am so frustrated I dont go out to meet guys but wherever I am they hit on me! Which would be nice if I would knew at least one of them would take me for real...
There is one man he spends all his time telling me how much he cares for me and likes me. I like thim too but I dont want to be dissapointed. I think he is telling me all this in order to get a chance to sleep with me like all the others did. So I dont even want to give him a chance, or even meet him! I am afraid of meeting him because he will only hurt me. We used to be 'friends', but he recently found I am attractive. Some time ago I had an affair with a 'best friend' I thought he would like me but he just told me he does not want me as a girlfriend, he wants to be my friend and sleep with me ocasionally. After many years of friendship. This really broke my heart. I knew him for 10 years and now I dont even want him as a friend anymore. He is just one more man in the long line of loosers. I am afraid that my other friend will end up the same way if I give this a chance. So I dont.
I am a model, I have a job and I study, but can not seem to find one single man on this planet that takes me serious! Why is that?!.
I am afraid to go out with a guy again because I think he will not take me serious. Rightnow I have around 5 guys that are hitting on me very obviously every day. My friends make fun of it and call the *a star*..they dont know how much it hurts not being taken serious. Even if I like one or two of the guys that are hitting on me I am so hurt, I dont want to take any chances anymore.
On the other hand I would really like to have a boyfriend.Someone that cares for me more than just my appearance and my achievements.:(
And I guess you are sitting at home now reading this and wondering 'What is her problem? She's got all the choice, why is she complaining?' Well, because I am a human being with feelings. And people/man step on my feelings.
:(
sorry, I had to get this off my chest somewhere....
Stell.

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Actually, City, I have to disagree slightly...a guy can *say* he wants to date exclusively, but until you know him well enough to know if he is *honest*, it doesn't eliminate the problem.
But I know this whole dating situation may be trickier for you because of your line of work. You attract men who think a model is nothing but a partygirl... good for sex but not the girl he takes home to mother. And not someone to be taken seriously.
But hon, people can only use you and discard you if you allow it. You know you are better than that and you must carry yourself that way...like a queen. When you walk the walk, other people will see the difference and they will be less likely to feel they can wine, dine and then discard you.
Of course you have feelings and needs and desires, like anyone else. But if you ALWAYS have this problem of not being taken seriously, it means you must take some responsibility for CORRECTING the image you have... whatever it is that tells people you are only out for a good time. Hold YOURSELF to a higher standard.
The one thing that all of your dates had in common was YOU. So take a look at your own behavior to see what you can adjust. Here's something: when your libido is telling you it's time to have sex, you should probably abstain... until you've been going out for several months without sex. It's called protecting yourself and protecting your heart. You might have a pressing reason to be extra cautious, but this is something we tell lots of women (and some men) every day.
Finally, choose your men carefully. All men aren't dogs who only want to get into your pants. Clearly, you should avoid the playa-types. If you're meeting men online, you might try NOT telling them you're a model right away... weed out the model-chasers.
Don't know what else to advise you right now, because I can't see you or talk to you or tell you what OTHER people see when they look at you. So all I can say is: just present yourself with the utmost dignity at all times, and other people will treat you that way, as well.
Good luck.
Edited 4/1/2004 6:27 pm ET ET by jilly73
Some facts speak against some ideas.2 of those guys were my friends for YEARS and we met consistantly and I thought they really liked me and I was stupid enough to kiss and have sex, and after that they told me that's what they really wanted all along. Not a normal friendship, not a relationship,- a 'special' friendship and I can sleep around if i want to, that's ok. Not for me, I lost some friends and a lot of faith here.
I just got to know that my colleagues and 'friends' have bets running on who is going to 'get' me. There is actually quite some money flowing around. Rich folks and their boredom..... I am hurt.
Honestly, deeply hurt. Now I dont believe anything anybody tells me anymore.
I am no merchandise. I am no entertainment. Now its even worse. I dont know if somebody likes me or is trying to score or win a bet. One of those guy's invited me for dinner and movies and among the million nice things he said he said 'I want to be the first one.' I asked what he meant and he didnt answer. I left and told him to never call me again.
Where is this going to lead to?...
How can someone go out distrusting everyone she meets? This sucks!
Its no base for any relationship.
There is a guy he is a nerd and an outsider and in my class. He got my number from someone else in class. He send me a message and asked me out for coffe. I am afraid to say yes. I think it is another joke, bet or i dont know what.
The same day one guy from university came up and told me he 'loves' me. We have never met outside school and he is not even in my classes. I told him that I thank him and I am honored but I can not take this serious and he shall rethink the words he uses. Of course I am always polite and nice but I wonder about their agendas!
What kind of life is that?
I am invited to a party tonight were one girl told me I can make 50bucks by rejecting a certain guy that was betting 100bucks that he will 'get' me that night and if I reject him she will share that money with me.
I feel like not going to that party at all, but on the other hand what shall I do? Stay home and pitty myself?
I am starting to get paranoid and its takeing the fun out of life.
I really dont want a boyfriend anymore! and sex disgusts me... I would just really appretiate if I had my freedom, you know.:(
thanks to all of you.
I'm curious, did you actually READ the advice you got?
How on earth did it come up that I am having that much sex?? -I dont.
I simply stated that whenever I do (which is seldom enough!!) I end up getting disapointed because I look for love and they look for sex.
Yes, I have standards!! I want to believe in love and guys do whatever they think they need to do in order to get me to sleep with them and that brings me down! regardless of if I sleep with them or not; I am plain tired of this game.
It is disgusting and it dissapoints me! In the last 6 weeks I got to hear from 5! guys that they 'love!' me (Guys that I did not sleep with!!didnt even kiss!!) so I spoke to them about relationships and them and me and they told me that they dont want me as their girlfriend?!?!.. but they do want me to come to their place and stay overnight....:(((
Are you starting to get the point?
Believe me guys, I am not easy!.In fact I am known for rejecting guys wherever I go, everyday. If I was more flirty I would enjoy this, but I dont! I am a serious person.
The WAY I carry myself? I am not a stay home wife! I work for my living and I study. I have to leave the house. I was trained to walk, talk, use bodylanguage, etc..It's my job!
What shall I do? I already dress down and I dont flirt, I have not been to a hairdresser in 6 months and I dont wear make up in private...but all this does not keep the bad guys away.
It seems like this:
Good girls are boreing to good guys, but a challenge to a bad boy.
Bad girls are the ones attracting the good guys and hurting them so they become bad boys.
I treat the guys I like nice, therfore they dont like me.
Oh, one more thing! This people that are betting on me are not real 'friends' they are colleagues! I dont choose to be around them!! I have to! all week.
If I could choose I would live on an isolated island right now. Anyway, I got the flue and I am home with fever. This will give me time to re-read all your posts and re-think the whole dilema.
I really appretiate that you answer me. It at least make me feel that I am not alone and maybe even a bit understood?
best,
St.
Why are you even talking about your personal life with your colleagues, then?
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