good enough to marry?
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| Tue, 12-27-2005 - 7:35am |
I was unexpectedly pursued by one of my best guy friends, and now we're dating. Although he hasn't come out and said the words, I believe he is falling in love with me. Recently he asked me to move in with him, and I agreed (so far, we have an amazingly close and exciting relationship). I care about this person very much, and am thrilled by this unexpected turn of events. However, he's simply not the type of person I saw myself marrying. He is wilder, more rebellious, less career-oriented, and overall less traditional than the type of man I always pictured as my husband. So my question is, if I care about this person enough to date him, and LIVE with him, why do I feel trapped when I think about a serious commitment like marriage? Does it mean the relationship is doomed to fail?
I'm a control freak, and because he chose to pursue ME, I have not been in control of the pace of this relationship. Every guy I've ever dated, I pursued first. In the past, I always rejected guys who pursued me. But this time is different, and this relationship is proving to be more serious than my previous ones. I'm nervous about it getting serious -- is that simply a case of cold feet, or should it be a red flag??
My real question: if he's good enough to date and try living with, should he also be good enough to marry? Is this question (linking a boyfriend to a husband) even legitimate? We have both graduated from college and are in our early 20s, and I'm not even sure if I should worry about this now. Your opinion would be MUCH appreciated.

Unfortunately, life is not a fairy tale. Prince Charming does not ride up on his horse, fall in love with you and then you live a perfect life forever and ever.
If you are interested in marriage in the near future, and this man won't fulfill your needs, why are you wasting both your time? Perhaps an honest discussion with this guy is in order. Tell him what you are expecting out of life and if he isn't going to fit the bill he needs to know.
If you are putting marriage on hold for a number of years and aren't interested in planning your life right away, I'd see where things go.