Good friends just made out..advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Good friends just made out..advice
8
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 1:53am

I've been friends with Mike,for the past two years. He's 20,and I'll be 20 in September.

We've always been friends. Anyways,tonight,something just clicked and we ended up making out. I don't regret it at all, but what could it mean?

We probably need to talk about it..but..any idea how I should handle this? I'm looking for a relationship,btw.

~Stacy~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 9:00am

Stacy...

Pianoguy thinks "your love pendulum" for Mike could swing either way?

It's either going to occur to Mike that his feelings are the same as yours...OR...he'll bring up the possibility that the 2 of you "acted on the impulse of the moment" and only wants to maintain the good friendship you've had in the past?

Now whether this is acceptable to you or not...really depends upon what happens between each of you...during next 30 days!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 11:29am
30 days? That seems so long. Well, anyway, yah. Don't you find you already know what you should do? It's like we jjust need confirmation from other people that we should do it. Directly just bringing it up with him and asking where he wants to go with it makes sense, right? Also make sure you state what *you* want as well. And I personally wouldn't hang what I wanted on what *he* wanted. If you want a relationship with him, then say that. We don't want something happening where he's too scared to say that and you're too scared to say that and then you miss out on happiness. Be brave. Take a risk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 5:10pm

halle2007...

Pianoguy thinks 30 days is a fair amount of time for a woman to find out if a man is eventually going to get serious...or just maintain the status quo!

Keep in mind that WITH ANY MAN...timing is everything? If you bring up the subject of exclusivity or commitment with a guy who has "been having a bad day"---you're gonna get yelled at!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 6:52pm
I understand not rushing into anything and exploring where you are at, etc I also just don't like "rules" like wait x-amount fo whatever to do whatever. I think if you're both on the same page right away, then time etc doesn't really matter...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 10:38pm
Based on the info you provided in your post, the only thing it could mean is that the two of you felt amorous towards each other at that moment when you kissed. If he did not say anything about his feelings,then that is pretty much all you are left with. Good luck with your talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 10:38pm
"If you bring up the subject of exclusivity or commitment with a guy who has "been having a bad day"---you're gonna get yelled at!" -- or not even if they are having a bad day, hehehe. You know the guy who does that should be flattered like h#ll that someone actually cares about him in this world and instead he gets mad. He deserves to be dumped.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 2:03am

snafu2006...

PG thinks your point (or argument) goes back to the "why doesn't a man behave or respond the way a woman expects him to" theory.

Ask any ivillager (male or female) and most of them will agree that the time frame for a male to make a commitment is S-L-O-W-E-R!

This isn't an issue of flattery...it's an issue of whether a man wishes to take himself out of 'circulation' in exchange for exclusivity with one particular woman.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 12:21pm

""why doesn't a man behave or respond the way a woman expects him to" theory.

Ask any ivillager (male or female) and most of them will agree that the time frame for a male to make a commitment is S-L-O-W-E-R!

This isn't an issue of flattery...it's an issue of whether a man wishes to take himself out of 'circulation' in exchange for exclusivity with one particular woman."

----------> I agree with your above statements. I'm sure a man's feelings about a woman who wants to be with him and only him are also influenced by how she approaches the situation. It is still a man's world, as much as the feminists like to argue about it. I have rarely seen a woman dictate how fast or slow a relationship moves. I do prefer to let the guy show me what he's got and navigate the course. I, of course, can always decide to opt out if I don't care for where he is navigating us. Do I like not being an equal party to how things go...not really...but again, theory is wonderful while reality provides a different picture. But, while it is not an issue of flattery...men might want to consider that...it might make them more gracious. Even if I didn't want to go to exclusivity so fast with a guy, I would still be gracious about it and feel special that someone out there, who I obviously like otherwise I wouldn't be dating him, feels that way towards me.