Good on paper vs. Good in bed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Good on paper vs. Good in bed?
5
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 10:21am

I've been seeing two guys over the past month or so, and now I'm having a tough time deciding what to do. Perhaps I need some insight here...

Guy #1 - "Tom" - I SAW him for the first time on New Years Eve '07. I don't think we met, but I remembered thinking that he was gorgeous. I met him for the first time at a going away party for a friend in April. He approached me and we started chatting. I was with my boyfriend of two years at the time (we broke up two months ago btw). Tom and I exchanged friendly emails for a while, and when my ex and I broke up, he and I started seeing each other. He's the kind of guy who is great on paper. Great job, great family, good looking, very personable, great golfer... the list goes on. He's the kind of guy I always imagined marrying, and he's the kind of person that would fit in with my family and lifestyle.

BUT. There's always a but... I feel like we lack a certain emotional connection, and a sexual connection. He seems very inexperienced with women, and often very nervous around me. We never really discuss deeper subjects... we would mostly discuss just football and work if it were up to him. Sometimes I find that he doesn't remember things we've previously discussed, but I think it could be just nerves. We only talk maybe once or twice a week whereas we used to email every day, several times a day. Every time we try to get sexual (no sex yet), it's a complete disaster. I'm talking about imagine the worst hookup you've ever had and multiply it by 10. Bad. He's really clueless. Amazing b/c he's 33. I mean it's so bad, I thought there was something mentally wrong w/ him. Bad.

We go on great dates together, he's very respectful to me, and he told me this Saturday that he really wants to have a relationship with me. In fact, he invited me this weekend to a big event that he and his family will be attending. I guess that's why I'm now feeling like I need to decide. I met his boss for the first time over the weekend, and the guy LOVES me. Wants to have Tom and I over for dinner at his house... and said that Tom is crazy about me.

Guy #2 - "David" - I met David at a bar a couple of weeks ago (cute huh?... bleh). But we had an INSTANT connection. We have a LOT in common, and there is definitely a physical attraction. He didn't call me right away after he got my number, in fact, I ended up sending him a text message on the 4th day after he didn't call. However, we ended up going out to lunch on a Friday. I dropped him off at work, but two hours later we were already out having drinks together and talking talking talking. We ended up seeing each other almost every day before he had to leave for Mexico for work last Friday. We have great chemistry, and he's interesting. He got back yesterday from Mexico and we spent all last evening hanging out. We went for a walk, had dinner, and got REALLY hot and heavy on the couch... almost TOO heavy.

BUT... of course... we all have flaws. He seems to want ALL of my attention, and the most warning I've had for a date so far was a few hours in advance for a baseball game. However... they were great seats (a few rows up from home plate). Spontaneity ain't all bad. He's kind've a "joker" in that everything has a slight hint of sarcasm about it... again... not terrible, but tough when you want to "up the ante". And of course, there's the fact that his ex lives in his house, and I'm not allowed to go over there (I've posted about this previously). Additionally, I asked a guy friend about David, and he warned me that David could potentially have "a$$hole tendencies". His only reasoning for that though was because of one of his guy friends being a real jerk... not David specifically. Really there isn't much that keeps me from wanting to be around him other than the fact that I'm a little nervous about trusting him, and that we're moving so quickly.

I enjoy my time with each of them, but for totally different reasons. I love my public life with Tom. We have cool friends and an interesting life together, but lack intimacy. I love the instant connection with David, but I fear that it could all be fleeting and I'll regret blowing off Tom for him. What do you guys think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2007
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 11:33am

Just based on what you described,

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 12:16pm

I agree with the previous poster--neither of these guys sounds like a great match for you, unless you just want to have a fun fling with David.


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 1:03pm
*Sigh* Thanks... I know deep down you're right. A fun fling might not be so bad right about now though ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 1:29pm

It all depends on whether the items that you find unpleasing about these men are things that can be workable, like a compromise, with each of the men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 5:08pm
I vote: None of the above.


Carrie