got everything i thought i wanted...
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| Sat, 04-21-2007 - 12:49am |
During undergrad, I began dating a guy 3 years older. He was a kind, sweet boyfriend and we fell in love quickly. We became quite serious and dated for 2 years. When he left for grad school in another state, he gave me a promise ring, telling me he wanted to marry me when we were both settled.
My guy and I were forced to do the long distance thing, seeing eachother about once a month. Things worked out well for a few months, but as the time dragged on, I grew restless. I began to become irritated with my boyfriend, finding his visits less and less fulfilling. By the 11th month of long distance, he and I were constantly fighting (I take significant blame for this). I nagged him daily and was frustrated with the entire situation. I felt I could find someone “better” who I could actually spend time with. Through all of the fighting, he began to lose feelings for me as well and eventually, we broke up. We promised one another that we might try things again if the opportunity presented itself.
I was happy to be single for a few months, but I soon missed him. I became very sad and felt I had made a terrible mistake. About a month ago, I asked him to take me back. He refused me, saying we broke up for a reason and that he believed it wouldn’t work.
I was greatly hurt by the rejection, but eventually managed to pull myself together and start to accept the fact that I was single.
My luck seemed to be improving and last weekend, I was asked on a date by a very attractive, smart, funny and classy guy (a dream guy! EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED!!...or so I thought). I was so flattered and excited to go on the date.
HOWEVER, yesterday, I found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. She is 4 years older than I am and entirely opposite in every way. I am so pained by this… my heart hurts and I have completely lost all desire to even talk to anyone else (even my perfect new date). I have been miserable since I have heard the news and can’t manage push it out of my head. I want so badly to be excited for the good things in MY life and be able to remember exactly why I broke up with my ex. I have forgotten everything that made me unhappy with him.
I feel as if I am going insane and can’t figure out why my dream guy isn’t even the slightest bit appealing anymore. How can I deal with this hurt? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? It is eating away at me.

Long distance relationships can be painful because you want to be right there with the person you care about. Once a month is a tough schedule when you love someone.
Did you think that by fighting with him and complaining he would move back closer to you? Because you had to know that it was breaking you two apart.
I know this isn't going to erase your pain, but it is going to take time for you to get over this guy because you blame yourself for the breakup. You may be kicking yourself for a while, even if you have a new dream guy in your life.
How did you find out about your ex's new status and new girlfriend? Whoever told you needs to stop telling you. The best thing for you now is no info or contact about him. What you are experiencing is why I never ask a guy about his exes. Now you are going to compare yourself to her. I know you may be feeling rejection because she is so different from you. It may have nothing to do with you. I know this is easy for me to say because I am not experiencing this pain. Over time, with no info about him, you will feel better. Look where you were just a short time ago...drooling over your new dream man.
Sometimes people can get shortsighted and get angry when their ex can move on so quickly. People want what they can't have. Men are able to move on rather well. I wish I was like them in this way. If the relationship was serious or involved feelings, I tend to process everything that happened and try to figure out what went wrong, what I contributed to the mess and learn from it before moving on emotionally again. It is a nice time to be alone and it is actually a treat if you can look at it that way because you are doing something nice for yourself by being stronger and wiser for the next relationship.
Since there is no getting back together with your ex (that is where you are stuck), I would focus on the emotions I felt just a week prior about this new guy. Maybe some of your criteria has changed as well in terms of who you pick as a date or partner. Try to enjoy your time with this new guy.