got needy...will he forgive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
got needy...will he forgive?
3
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 6:42am

I've been dating a guy for almost 2 months (we've known each other for 5 years). Both of us are in our 30s. Things have been perfect....until now. We live an hour apart. He works A LOT, mostly on the road. We've talked about how our jobs will leave us with little time together, and that was ok. I like my space and time, and so does he.

Until this week, we'd talk at least once a day for at least 1/2 hour. We'd see each other at least once over the weekends, and sometimes during the week. This week, I didn't hear from him for 3 days. That was to be expected, I guess. I emailed him just to say hello and ask how his week was going. I got a one sentence response.

So.....somehow, I started to freak out. I called him last night (maybe a little too late) after I got home from being out with friends, and asked how he was doing. I'd actually woken him. For some stupid reason, or maybe the wine, I asked if everything was ok with us. I couldn't believe that was coming out of my mouth!! He said yes, and that he's had a bad week. Turns out his job has become increasingly stressful, his father was taken to the hospital, and he's traveled 400 miles in 3 days. So how bad did I feel? BAD! I NEVER do this kind of thing. EVER. Which makes me feel worse.

Now I'm worried that he's going to assume I'm a needy, clingy person, and that this won't work. Do you think that a first time mistake like this can be forgiven & forgotten? Trust me - I've learned my lesson. But is this going to hurt me or us? THOUGHTS?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 7:50am

So you made a boo boo... if he can't forgive it, he's not worth much. But the thing is... I don't see that you did anything so wrong. I mean yes, pushing it when you've been drinking is not good. However, a friend fell out of communication and you were checking in. To me I'd be wondering why he's not sharing and letting you in on his life. I mean his father's in the hospital but he didn't bother letting you know?


Are you going to be able to get what you want out of this relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 8:02am
Thanks for the words of consolation and for the support. As long as I've known him, he's been one of those "I can handle it by myself" people. He's been very open up until this point, which is why I was nervous. I think I'll just be a bit smarter about what to do, what not to do, and to soberly (and at a reasonable hour) ask for at least a "check in". Thanks again!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 8:59am

I completely agree with Brooklynchick. You don't need to be "forgiven." So...you might have gone just a wee bit overboard with the email followed by the phone call, but to most people that would be understandible after not hearing from someone for THREE days. And I also agree that it's very odd that this man you usually talk to every day didn't tell you about his father going into the hospital. That's something a person would normally tell ANY friend. The fact that he didn't tell you until after you pressed him makes me suspicious, on your behalf.

If he's starting to bail on you, there's not much you can do to pull him back... unless HE decides he wants to come back. So you might as well relax and stop worrying that you did something to run him away. It's very difficult to run someone away who wants to be there. Just let this guy be for a week or two, and see what happens.

Good luck.