great meating, great date, no call?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
great meating, great date, no call?
16
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 4:28pm

Okay i am new here and i have a wonderful story that maybe some of you guys can help me with.

First i am new to the dating game and i can be a bit akward when it coems to dating. As a kid and teenager i was always the girl who stayed in on friday and saturday nights and now that i am in my 20's i have found that guys are actually interested in me and i am not used to it yet.

Now i will get on with my story...

Earlier this year i went out of town for some training and i met a guy while i was on the plane. He sat next to me and initiated conversation right away (which took me by suprise). We spoke about business for a bit and he told me about his business involvements and i did the same. We then formally introduced ourselves and he said that he recognized my last name. He knows some people i am slightly acquainted with (he used to live in the city where i live but has moved away, although he still comes back fequently for business reasons). We got back to speaking about business and he asked me for my address and told me he would send me something from his company. I gave him my business address and we continued talking until the flight was over (about politics, family, economics, whatever). He was a great conversationalist and even made slight invites like "oh if your into such and such i should take you with me here". I really thought nothing of it until...

a few days later i recieve a big FedEx box from him. He had sent me exactly what i had been telling him about! I was in shock! I asked some friends what i should do and they told em to send him something along with a nice thank you card and give him my number saying give me a call when you are in town and we can get together, which i did. i hadn't heard from him for a while and i kind of felt dumb for sending him my number (maybe i interpreted his actions wrong?)

Two months later, out of the blue he calls me and said that he was in town and wanted to get together. I call him back and we agree to meet the next day at a restaraunt (i think he wanted to pick me up but i had prior engagements and it made much more sense for us to meet). We meet up, have a drink and a fun time (we spoke about a whole bunch of stuff and it almost seemed like he was making it clear to me that he wasn't tied up with anyone at the moment). Then we decided to go and have a cigar together so we go back to the place where he was staying. We sat around and talked for about 4 hours, and i think he was being flirty (he commented on my cute feet and even put his feet on top of mine). He made offers to me for the future (next time i am here i can teach you to drive standard transmission) It was getting very late and he had a meeting but he offered to let me stay there and he would take me to my car in the AM if i wanted (it was parked maybe 5 blocks away). I declined as i had to get home and on our way out i did something silly and he smacked by butt.

When he dropped me off at my car he went to kiss me but it took me by suprise (like i said...i am dating inept) and i kind of moved and he got the cheek and a hug kind of thing...

Now i feel like i totally messed up or something. It's been a month and still no call from him. I am not quite sure what his intentions were/are and i am very puzzled by this. In a way i am a bit hurt because i though we were both having a good time. Is it possible that he thinks i am not interested in him?

What are your thoughts/opinions?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 4:37pm

I hate to be cynical, but it sounds to me like he was hoping you'd spend the night with him. Of course, if you had, you probably wouldn't be hearing from him either, but I think it's good for your own peace of mind that you didn't.

You may still get a call from him next time he's in town, but I would be cautious of his motives.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 8:41am

I hate to burst your bubble, but is sounds like this guy is a bit of a road warrior. He might want to increase his circle of friends or possible dates in each city he frequents. Did you ask him directly whether he was married? Does he have a girlfriend?

He hasn't contacted you because he hasn't been in your city recently. He might call, he might not, but if you are really interested in a steady, committed relationship you might look for a man who already lives where you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 12:16pm
Maybe you can email and refer to something that came up recently that reminded you of something you shared with him.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 12:42pm
I agree with datedoyenne. Instead of waiting forever for him to contact you, why don't you do it? If interest is mutual, staying in touch should happen from both sides. Inanycase, it's a bit awkward, provided all the interest he has shown you, and the distance he is keeping by calling once in a blue moon. Proceed cautiously, for sure, but, contact him for right now. It's possible he was confused about your intentions when he didn't get that kiss. And next time you meet/talk over the phone, do ask him whether he is married/has a GF etc. Don't just assume.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 1:22pm

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I didn't directly ask him if he was married and your right, i probably should have. He did however seem to be making it clear to me that he was "single" (he made mention of a wedding he went to and how he didn't bring a date).

I have no idea why i am so hung up on him since i barely know the guy, he lives far away, and there is a bit of an age difference. I just find him so attractive and fun to be around. He is very easy to talk to and i really haven't enjoyed myself around a guy like that in a while!

I just feel like an idiot sitting here and waiting for him to call me and i keep blaming myself for him "not being interested"(if i was better looking, thinner, taller, more exfoliated maybe he would call me back). I just wonder why he would ahve made such bold obvious moved on me and then poof, not interested.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 1:36pm
Ittie, I think I've dated this guy, his brother and several of his cousins (ha!) I have lots of dating/relationship experience and have FINALLY come to realize that: If a man is interested in you, he makes no bones about it! Plain and simple. It's understandable that when a guy first meets you, he might be interested even though he lets a moment/opportunity to ask you out passes him by. BUT, your guy has spent enough time with you and knows you well enough to know exactly what he wants from you...and his degree of interest in you......so I stand by my statement that 'if a guy is interested in you, then he follows through." BUT--as people, men and women are not always on the same timeframe.....and guys certainly aren't mind readers. So, I would go ahead and put myself out on that limb and call him. Call him casually and ask to see him when he returns to town. Make a specific date.....buy concert tickets or something specific so nothing is ambiguous. Let's just say he really wanted to kiss you....well, you shot him down by giving him the cheek. Most guys, when shot down, won't put themselves back out on limb unless is an absolutely, positively, 100% sure thing....and even then you probably have to point it out. If he's not receptive or you get a bad vibe, then move on.
Remember....our gut/intuition is actually years of experience doing the math for you. Listen to it.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 1:58pm

You could be right about the cheek thing, and one call/email wouldn't hurt. But the OP should be prepared for him to not be interested, and/or only (or at least primarily) interested in having her as a sex partner when he's in town.

Re: asking him about whether he's married or involved as someone else suggested: do people really think a guy who would cheat would tell the truth about that? Sure, the OP can ask, but I don't think she'll get the truth if he is married or involved.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 2:43pm

If a man is married or in a relationship, and he is starting up relationship with other women, he sure as heck isn't going to volunteer that information.

But if the question is posed, some men may tell the truth, may stutter before they lie, may avoid the question, may accuse you of being confrontational and then still not answer the question.

No, you may not get the truth but you might get the hint that something is off. And telling somebody that they went to a wedding alone is not enough information, the wife might have been out of town. It will still be a true statement that infers that the guy is single.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 2:49pm

Oh, I don't disagree...I was just reacting to the post that seemed to imply that asking was all you had to do in order to find out whether he was married or involved ;-)!! I just don't see it as that simple.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 3:14pm

I should ahve asked him and saw what his reaction was but i didn't. To be honest i didn't even think of it as a date until my friends pointed it out to me so i never thought of asking. Like i said before i am not used to having male attention like this so when a guy calls me up i always assume that he just wants to hang out with me and be friends.

We did speak about people's infideilities though and he didn't seem to be a big fan of cheaters (his friends have all been cheated on it seems). But like everyone here said, people can say one thing and do another. So unless i asked someone who knows him or somehow went over to his house that is very far away from where i live there is no way to know for sure.

I would like to send him an e-mail or call him but i just feel it would be a bit strange. I can just imagine what i would say "hi, i just called to remind you to call me when you are back in town incase you forgot and no, im not creepy" :P.

In a way i am hoping that he hasn't called because he thinks that i am not interested (i did keep my distance physically from him and the whole kiss issue). The whole situation seems very strange/bizzare to me right from the begining and i just can not wrap my head around it.

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