The Great Walking Wounded

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
The Great Walking Wounded
3
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 5:30pm
Why can't men move on after a break-up? I have been dumped plenty of times by men but after a short period of grieving, have always been open to date new guys and give them a chance rather than adopt the 'all men are bastards' mentality. But not guys! In the past year nearly all the guys I have dated have used the Broken Heart and Torch Carrying excuse to be commitment-phobes. I have been chatting to one guy online for 8 months and though we have/had a good rapport online he refuses to even talk to me in real life on the phone as he says his ex-girlfriend hurt him and he cannot trust women after that and his heart is surrounded by ice and other nonsense. I have now given up and we no longer even chat or email each other and I am sorry since I liked him and thought eventually the 'ice' would 'melt' but think after 8 months he is simply being self-indulgent. He is not the only guy like this..i have dated others who are still 'broken men' after having been dumped like, 5 years ago!!! Do you think women move on quicker because of some primeval biological urge to nest and have kids or something i.e. the biological clock? Why can't this guy GET OVER IT??
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 5:37pm

I think that's a big fat excuse. He's probably married or otherwise involved.

And if it's really the truth, then he's not an emotionally healthy and mature person. A healthy adult who was having that much trouble moving on would get help.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 7:20pm
I have heard guys say that it doesn't matter how tough or macho they might look or pretend to look outside, inside they are soft and very weak. I sure have met guys who continue to remain wounded after break-ups, specifically when the girl cheated on them or chose another guy or didn't have the guts to go against her parents' wishes, something like that. Yes, I would think they should get over it! Being cautious is fine, (once bitten twice shy) but generalizing that all girls might be such is totally irrational. And I know some guys who do have that generalization going on that girls are such and such. Not fair, nor healthy. I don't know if girls deal with these things better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 11:30pm

You call those guys "cripples" and move on immediately after they tell you their first story of woe.

Of course, now that you dumped this guy after 8 months he has made up some horrible story about you and how you devastated him. He is busy telling it to more women he just met on the net.

Avoid these guys, there are plenty of great noncripples available and also plenty of good therapists out there that can help the cripples get over the evil women that hurt them.